TVBCrap

Shitty Experiences at the Movies

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I think I got one of the worst cramps of my life during a car chase in National Treasure 2 but...I somehow managed to stay quiet and I didn't even mind it that much by the end because my Grandma was taking my siblings and me out for a treat and it was a fun day.  The worst theater experiences I've had just involve seeing really shitty movies.  Superman Returns might be the biggest example of a movie I didn't hate enough (at the time) to walk out on but the hollowness of it caused me to space out the most frequently I ever had with an enormous wall-sized screen in front of me.

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I really wanted to address a more awkward experience back when I saw The Polar Express when I was 10 during opening weekend. It was at where the Crown Threatres at Neonopolis was at in downtown Vegas; which to be honest, had the absolute worst air conditioning of all time, which explained why they shut the theater down in 2009, but was reopened as a mall shop, though it the upstairs theater has reopened since a few years ago; even though I haven't been yet since 2008. I heard good things, but whatever.

Anyway, the only gripe I can say about the experience is when the movie started, and they actually started the wrong movie. The movie we were watching for the first 10+ minutes was Ray, which made me cheer out loud in theater, "Oh yeah, best Christmas movie ever! A Ray Charles Christmas Carol!" And keep in mind, I was 10 years old; knowing who Ray Charles is. So over 10 minutes passed, and I think either the usher or the projectionist called and said that we had to walk out, since they have to change to reel and fix the problems so the movie will properly start. So minutes go by, and we came back to the theater as the film was fixed and The Polar Express eventually started.

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When rewatching Logan, there was this teen right beside me who had his fucking phone out messaging or whatever from the trailers to the first 10 minutes of the film. Like even when he had the good courtesy to lower the brightness when the movie showed it's "Don't be a dick. Turn your phone off." segment the brightness was still distracting as hell. It's cause of fools like him that "lols millennials like being on their phone" comics are rapid in today's social media.

Also, not a shit experience but 15 mins in the film, a group of annoying moviehopping teenagers came in the theater and got kicked out by security 5 minutes later lol. 

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I was taking a shit at work a few years ago when I got a text from my friend who was in town: "hey want to see dragonball z battle of gods tonight?" Hell yeah, I did. I Fandangoed it, wiped my ass, washed my hands, and was ready to go. I breezed through the day at work and headed over to the theater. To put it in perspective, they had one screening each night for Battle of Gods and, considering we live in a buttfuck-nowhere town, neither my friend nor I expected there to be much of a crowd. We were wrong. It had sold out for the one theater it was showing in. Was anyone seeing anything else at the theater at that time? Probably not. It was 5:30 on a Wednesday. They probably could have opened up another theater. I know they had a few that didn't having anything playing. But they didn't, and people were being turned away--sent back home to their lairs where they could curse the Gods themselves for denying them entry. The Gods would not be listening that night, however. They would be battling. And this motherfucker had a ticket. 

I hadn't bothered to suggest to my friend that he might want to use Fandango, because he, like myself, always used it anyway just out of habit. I had just spoken with someone I knew from work. He and his friends were being sent home to suffer that night and there I stood triumphant over my peers. When suddenly, my greatest of friends shows up. I walk with him to the counter, but I was surprised by what happened. Instead of pulling his phone out from his pocket, he had his wallet in hand. Time slowed down and I knew what was going to happen before the words even left his mouth. "I'll have one ticket for Dragonball Z: Battle of Gods, please!" This poor fool. He joined the rest of the poor souls who were heading home to their basements. We looked at each other and we talked this over. We both came to the conclusion that if we were writing our lives as a comedy, it would be a lot funnier if I just went by myself to see the stupid movie, so we agreed to hang out the next day and into the dark and crowded theater I went. 

Inside it was like an orgy with every ounce of sex ripped from it. There were no open seats in sight. Granted, it was a very dark theater and I could not see well inside. An usher came up to me, asking me if I would follow him to an open seat. I complied and he led me up the stairs to the very top row towards the right side of the theater and he left me to make myself comfortable. I looked upon my company. I came to learn that I was sitting next to a party of about five young men and their leader was directly to my left. I shall never know his name, but my memory shall always refer to him as "Post-Apocalyptic Penn Jillette". He stood about 6'5", had long unkempt hair in a ponytail, smelled of grease and sweat, and was dressed entirely in black with a long trenchcoat. I tried to ignore him and sat down, opening up a Snickers I had taken from work. He turned to me and asked, "Hey you're not gonna mind if we get a bit fondle-y over here are you?" I pondered his greeting, questioning my life at that moment. I've never been quick at my responses to unusual conversations like this, especially not when I'm just trying to enjoy something and not wanting to start any shit with someone I'm about to have to sit next to for the next hour and a half. "Just leave me out of it," was all I could really say off the top of my head. So the group joked with one another, talking about DBZ Abridged and whatnot. I ate my Snickers. 

The movie started and I honestly don't even remember that much about it. What I do remember was the Post-Apocalyptic Penn Jillette had already seen it several times and he hated this fucking movie. It was absolute garbage to him, especially in the savage language of English, and he made sure that his sidekicks knew his opinions. They nodded, grunting with approval at his every commentary. I wish I could remember more details. I eventually was able to just watch the movie and ignore him for the most part, but I couldn't help but love how much he hated the movie yet absolutely had to see it on the big screen. 

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Reading that, it baffles me as to why this post-apocalyptic Penn Jillette guy is watching the movie again for the umpteenth time, despite hating it so much. You have to ask yourself, couldn't this guy have made better use of his time and money instead of he and his sidekicks taking up seats for those who haven't seen it yet?

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Yeah I never figured that out, either. 

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Once, when I was about 12 or 13, my class went to go see a screening of To Kill A Mockingbird for school (it was one of those screenings where they show an old movie in theaters after a really long time, like an anniversary thing or something, I can't remember what the special occasion for this was). They had the "please silence your phones and wait for the movie to start" screen on and after about two minutes, it froze on the screen for about ten minutes. Afterward the screen went black for what seemed like twenty minutes with nothing but a Windows XP bar on the bottom of the screen while random music was playing in the background. By the time they finally got something going on the screen, they then played a bunch of more teasers, but they had about an hour worth of stuff and were already behind so someone literally had to fast foreward through a bunch of them. This lasted for about an additional fifteen minutes and FINALLY, they started the movie. 

At least in the end, they gave everyone free movie tickets as an apology, but it was still a pretty shitty experience nonetheless. 

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4 hours ago, HeyItsAR said:

(it was one of those screenings where they show an old movie in theaters after a really long time, like an anniversary thing or something, I can't remember what the special occasion for this was).

Most likely an anniversary showing. TCM and Fathom do that often nowadays.

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I just remembered that I saw The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D in 2005.

 

And I remembered that I hated it, even as a 6-year-old kid.

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I've walked out of two movies. Burn after Reading... because... it wasn't funny...

And Land of the Lost... because... it wasn't much better... And the show was BETTER

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When I saw the original Madagascar in theaters, I didn't realize at the time that my appendix had ruptured; all I knew was that I was in extreme pain. I was curled up in a fetal position the entire movie in absolute agony.

I think I gave someone a shitty experience in a movie when I saw Batman VS Superman. Eisenberg's performance was one of the most grating and irritating things I had ever watched in my entire life. By the end of the movie I was so annoyed I was almost yelling at the movie for him to shut the fuck up

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On 4/28/2017 at 5:23 PM, PrinceOfAllToasters said:

When I saw the original Madagascar in theaters, I didn't realize at the time that my appendix had ruptured; all I knew was that I was in extreme pain. I was curled up in a fetal position the entire movie in absolute agony.

Did anyone notice that you were in pain in the theatre at the time?

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On 4/30/2017 at 10:48 AM, TheOneManBoxOffice said:

Did anyone notice that you were in pain in the theatre at the time?

I was still a kid at the time, my Dad was with me but neither of us realized what was causing the pain, we thought it was a stomach bug or something.

I didn't learn it was my appendix until the next day at school. All the other kids said I looked horrible and pale, and my teacher sent me to the nurse. Somehow that woman managed to figure out what it was and called Mom, who took me to a doctor and then got the official diagnosis from him

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When I was in the screening for the recent Ghost in the Shell remake, I had a huge headache, and I was drunk.

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On 3/11/2017 at 3:18 AM, Lady☣Venom said:

The only frustrating experience I can conjure up at the moment was when I went to view Seabiscuit with my family at the local drive-in. The theatre shows a  "come to the snack bar" animated advert along with a cartoon short to follow. The advert played out just fine but, halfway through the cartoon, the film melted. We ended up waiting amongst frustrated car-honking patrons for a half-hour until the film was replaced.

 

Which cartoon is it?

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On 1/6/2015 at 11:32 PM, theadventuretimefan said:

I always get the seat in front of the toddler kicking my chair.

Message to Parents. Just scare the kids if there acting like that.

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