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#101 Offline Malkmusian

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Posted 15 July 2009 - 01:47 PM

Here's blinding your sight, kid.
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#102 Offline FlipJick

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Posted 15 July 2009 - 05:24 PM

Here's blinding your sight, kid.


I was about to make a Casablanca joke... then I found out it was about Casablanca.
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#103 Offline Malkmusian

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Posted 15 July 2009 - 05:39 PM

Here's blinding your sight, kid.


I was about to make a Casablanca joke... then I found out it was about Casablanca.

And most of them are one-shots from Ilsa's POV or events concerning Rick and Captain Renault after Ilsa and Victor leave.
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#104 Offline FinalSquadalah

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Posted 15 July 2009 - 10:24 PM

k that's enough get back to the cartoon slashes and childhood icons killing people

your dinner must spa-die in the ship


#105 Offline NinjaCoachZ

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Posted 17 July 2009 - 05:31 AM

I actually made a fanfiction parodying all those poorly made, author-appeal-fillied ones. But knowing me, it'll probably never get done. And also, on a related note:
http://www.homestarr...sbemail188.html

L6xbpc3.gif

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#106 Offline ApolloBoy

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Posted 17 July 2009 - 10:12 PM

Homework, homework, oh how I can’t wait to be done! Anyways, here’s chapter 2, fair warning: this contains tentacle… err, tendril, interfacing. You have been warned. No complaining. I put the M rating up there for a reason.

Ok!!! Sorry…sugar rush. I need a nap. And to get those dang tickets for the 12:01 showing of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. I will continue to update as it comes to me.

TC and Skywarp are appearing soon… oh and thank you to all the reviewers (cybercupcakes to reviewers) So read and review, I like constructive criticism. Oh and I don’t own Transformers, if I did… we’d be so screwed… but loving it!

…I’m taking Starscream with me to the movies. He will be sleeping in my purse…backpack…thingy.

Starscream clenched his talons in disgust. This being may have been the force behind the Decepticon army, but Starscream wasn’t about to let him just treat him like a toy.

The fallen one’s tendrils slipped further up Starscream’s chassis, approaching his waist while continuing the overly invasive movements that riddled his body. Starscream was getting angry, mostly from the movements of the tendrils and the subtle fact that he had never consented to this treatment… even if he did, it wouldn’t have been with this…being that had been trapped for who knows how long in some primus forsaken crypt. Even though Megatron was gone, Starscream’s spark belonged to him and only him. He had a small part reserved for his trine, but that was brotherly love, not bonded love. Not interfacing love.

The fallen one’s next movement ripped him out of his thoughts when he slipped a rather naughty tendril between his thighs, caressing his interfacing panel sensually. Starscream gave a small grunt of reluctance in an attempt to stop the mottled tendril from caressing him anywhere.

“I was not joking when I said you had to surrender to me entirely. Most of the time, I would have accepted just a vow of loyalty and an example of how far they were willing to go to do my bidding… as your Megatron proved so thoroughly. You on the other hand…are too attractive to just let slip through my digits.” The fallen one’s tendrils suddenly tightened their hold on Starscream’s chassis, acting like pythons on a potential meal. They held Starscream in place, then gently pushed him further onto the ground so that both knees were touching the floor of the chamber. Starscream tried to pull away, grunting and attempting to wriggle his way free. This had just gone too far for his taste. The fallen one only chuckled darkly at the former Air Commander.

“You are quite the fighter aren’t you? Megatron was right about you… you are a one in a million catch. The Red Meteor of Vos… Starscream… the fastest flier on Cybertron. Such a body should not go to waste… especially mourning the loss of his former Commander. Why do you still resist me? Is there another?” The fallen one’s tendrils seized up, placing more pressure on Starscream’s body. The fallen one wanted an answer and wanted it now. Starscream gave a small, sarcastic chuckle.

“Yes… there is another…and even though he may be dead, my spark belongs to Megatron alone. Do your worst… but I’m afraid you are too late for claiming this little tainted spark.” Starscream said, sarcasm dripping off his words. The fallen one’s aura suddenly went dark red, then calmed to a gentle purple-blue. Starscream sensed he was in trouble. The fallen one laughed darkly, then allowed the maniacal laughter to get a little louder, as well as his aura growing persistently more red .

“You were not claimed! I took Megatron eons before you were even formed in your creators synthesizing unit! He was under my control long before you knew of him!” The fallen one allowed more tendrils to form out of his light, some of which moved towards Starscream’s facial plating, the rest of which slid towards his interfacing plating. The lower tendrils forced Starscream’s legs apart while the higher tendrils pulled the seeker into a tilted, almost sitting position… where the fallen one could see every inch of his interfacing plating for the time being. A tendril slid down to the seeker’s interfacing plating, caressing the exposed area since the rest were restraining the seeker. Starscream clenched his dental plating and tried to shut his legs, even though he had been fighting back since the moment that the tendrils had grabbed him so roughly. The tendril slid into a seem between the plating and overrode the firewalls that kept his plating tightly secured to his body. Starscream let out a surprised moan, not anywhere near pleasurable. The fallen one’s tendril observed his interfacing port for a second… then the fallen one laughed.

“Just as I thought! You are untouched! (1)I believe your spark chamber will be as unscathed as your interfacing port… are you going to cooperate, or do I have to take the same measures to see if I am correct?” The fallen one let one higher tendril loose to give the seeker’s chest plating a little caress. Starscream bared his dental plating at the fallen one…but then gave a small, defeated look. He didn’t want his spark chamber forced open… but this being wasn’t going to let him leave with his virginity intact. He was saving that for Megatron… but if it meant either getting raped or making it out in one piece… he would have to consent to this monster. He looked up at the fallen one, crestfallen.

“I… I give…” The fallen one’s aura changed to a more pink or red color… passion. He allowed the tendrils restraining Starscream’s right arm to relax. The seeker took the gesture as a sign and reached for his spark chamber, opening it gently and keeping his hand close to it for protection. Never let someone have a chance at attacking your spark… you would die if it hit you directly. So exposing his essence to this...being, was a risk. He felt so used... and filthy just thinking about it.

“I was right…” The fallen one chuckled. “You are as pure and untouched as a protoform. So, dear Starscream, what do you say to your new leader?” Starscream tried to muster a glare, but gave into the facts that this was not going to end well. “Well? Do you surrender to me, Starscream?” Starscream hung his head for a second…

“I surrender to you…my liege. I am yours…entirely.” The last part left a sore feeling on the tip of his tongue. The fallen one’s aura turned bright, earth sky blue. A few of the higher tendrils ran their way up to Starscream’s neck and facial plating, roughly caressing and probing his mouth components.

“You are a seeker… if I am correct and my memory serves me well…seekers are breeders. All seekers are mechs (2)… so that must mean you are capable of carrying.” The fallen one whispered to the restrained and struggling seeker. The tendrils found some points of sensitive circuitry under his battle strengthened armor. Starscream was getting more aroused by the moment as the tendrils worked their way around his armor. The most invasive ones were focusing around his interfacing port, while the softest ones caressed the area around his spark chamber, easing their way into his most sensitive area. The strongest ones were either restraining him or playing with his wings. Starscream gave a small growl at the fallen one’s comment. The glare that accompanied it was the fallen one’s answer. The fallen one released his demented laugh once again.

“So, you are capable! How interesting…” The tendrils around his port began sliding up and down his gear, while a higher tendril managed to stuff itself into Starscream’s mouth- further muffling him. The fallen one chortled again. Starscream felt a large, differently shaped tendril make its way towards his port… oh no, this was it. The fallen was going to take him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He felt it tease his port, since he was unable to look down courtesy of the tendrils that restrained his head. It was pressed against his port, ready and waiting for something.

“Now now… don’t tense up. It will make it worse.” The fallen one teased. Starscream glared at him, only to be restrained further by the tendrils as they pulled his legs apart further to accommodate the new arrival. Judging from how far they had pulled him… this one was huge.

“Are you ready, little Air Commander?” The fallen one teased yet again…his laughter echoed this time… as he pushed it in. “Don’t scream! Or better yet… do.”

Starscream lived up to his named, giving as much of a scream as he could muster through the tendril shoved into his mouth. The large, warm tendril that pushed its way through Starscream’s virgin port was too big… it felt like it was tearing and forcing its way into him. The fallen one pulled it back out, just to take a look.

“Aw, it seems like it popped… such a cute little virgin. Well…not anymore.” The fallen one jested, slowly moving the tendril back into Starscream, who now felt like crying. He never cried. Not since he was a sparkling. However, this was different. The tendril moved its way back inside the newly broken port and began to move slowly. This was Starscream’s first time after all. He didn’t want to overdo it. A traumatized seeker was an unstable being any way you looked at it. That wouldn’t do for a new Decepticon Commander…or a decent berth slave. Starscream began to give an unwilling shiver as the tendril was pushed inside his port to the hilt.

“I have to admit, you are much better than Megatron…though to be fair, I never interfaced with him… he just followed orders.” (3) The fallen one’s tendril began to speed up, causing Starscream to moan in pain…and a little bit of pleasure. The pace quicken and Starscream began to moan more, pleasurable sounds echoing from the walls of the chamber as the fallen one took his new Decepticon Commander. The pleasure was intensifying, and the fallen was about to come. Starscream gave a very lovely yelp as the fallen one pumped his port with the tendril, the quivering circuitry causing the fallen to finally erupt inside his new Decepticon Commander. Starscream felt the light headedness take over his circuitry, and began to slip into darkness as he heard the last thing the fallen one had said to him. He could feel the oil and lubricants flowing from various orifaces of his body... down his legs from his port and down his facial plating from his optics.

“Wonderful… Lord Starscream…Leader of the Decepticon Army.”

Then the peacefulness of recharge hit him.

The fallen one pulled the various tendrils back into his calm, sated light. He only left two strong tendrils to pull the former Air Commander towards him. He placed Starscream on his left side, then allowed the seekers form to slide onto his back. He gave the recharging seeker a single caress on his helm, the grabbed one of the blankets used for decor to cover his new Commander… and berth mate. (4)

Blooper!!!- Soundwave meets the rock

Soundwave walks past the recently returned ship. He notices a single rock lying on the walkway in front of him. He picks it up, only to drop it. The rock just bit him!

Wait…rocks don’t bite.

He places the ‘rock’ into his storage compartment. He will analyze this rock later. Ravage on the other hand is also in the storage compartment… and was observing the ‘rock’ with his paws and tail.

Fifteen minutes later, Soundwave can be heard being dragged from the base by a very sore and upset Ravage who has the ‘rock’ on his tail and Soundwave’s wiring caught in his front chest plating.

Ok, so that was …intense. Or about as good as I can write hot scenes. I might go back later and redo it…with help. XD

Seriously, I wanted to get this out before Revenge of the Fallen hit the silver screen for the public.

(1)Yes… I made him a virgin. Why?... He seems too high strung to play submission for anyone but Megatron. However, Megatron is (was) a little busy and couldn’t take his time to notice Screamers romantic interventions. His loss…and apparently Screamers misfortune. :O

(2)This is just for this story. If you want the back story…uhhh- ok, the femme seekers were killed during the war. Like a lot of femmes and sparklings. Just go with it.

(3)No, the fallen didn’t take Megatron. Why?... guess he wasn’t attracted to him enough. And Starscream is quite a catch… really, if you had the power to command a hottie like Screamer to be yours, would you pass it up? Answer in reviews please!!! Lulz… no seriously, review please. I need to know if I blew something or not.

(4)Ok, just to make sure everyone knows, Screamers spark remains untouched. So they are not bonded. And the fallen is the embodiment of evil… taking poor screamer like that! (Starscream looks at her…and glares…) Don’t blame me screamer… you are hot. You are jailbait. I have no idea how old you are, but all the other mechs are older (at least they seem so) and that makes you, Bee and Barricade jailbait.
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#107 Offline Arique

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Posted 18 July 2009 - 11:28 PM

Spoiler


Spoiler

The year, 2012. The ship, The RMS Titanic.100 years after the sinking of the infamous ship, watch and see.as it sits at the bottom of the ocean for 2 whole hours.AND THEN RISE UP TO END THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, in the last 5 minutesTITANIC 2012


#108 Offline Whelt

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Posted 18 July 2009 - 11:31 PM

oh wait lol

I underestimate the internet
2013 For the category of User With Funniest Avatars. For the categories of Spirit of YouChew and Funniest Posts. Chewbot gives congrats for not getting any warnings for over 5 years For your participation in your favorite Cowboy Bebop session article. Chewbot gives congrats for reaching this poop milestone Chewbot gives congrats for having 44 videos with a 5 star rating Runner up in the E3 2012 Bingo! Chewbot gives congrats for having 21 awards cashmoney February 2012 - "GENIE HAS ALLERGIES" (Regular) November 2011 Chewbot gives congrats for uploading 130 videos Chewbot gives congrats for uploading 130 videos Chewbot gives congrats for uploading 130 videos Chewbot gives congrats for uploading 130 videos Thank you for your donation!



#109 Offline Shazy-Shaze

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 10:18 AM

oh god this thread is amazing

rvUFSSl.gif

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#110 Offline Toggle

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Posted 11 August 2009 - 09:38 PM

WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC
Spoiler

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#111 Offline Malkmusian

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:23 AM

WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC

Spoiler

Joan Graves hates this story.
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#112 Offline Ianprower

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:06 PM

Title: "Bart Simpson Dies A Violent Death".

A/N: Fuck you Scott, you fucker!

The Simpsons: Bart Is Dead

Bart Simpsons walked through the corridors of Springfield Elementary. It was quiet in this darkness.

"Heheheheheheh...now to plant my special antrhax in Skinners office. HA HA HA HA HA..." Bart Simpson said.

"SIMPSON!! What are you doing?" Skinner said.

"Uh...anthrax?"

"You know the penaltly for when Bart Simpson uses anthrax? I get to murder you."

"Uhhhhhhhhhh. NO!" Bart said as he was picked up by Skinner.

"Skateboards aren't allowed on these premises." Skinner said as he nailed Bart to Bart's skatboard.

Skinner shoved a gallon of hot sauce down bart's throat.

"Ow man. That fucking hurts."

Skinnner took a pole wrapped in sandpaper and shoved it down Barts throat as well.

"OW."

"Yes, mother will be pleased."

"NOO!"

Skinner then plucked out Bart's eyes with the pole after pulling it out of Bart.

"Would you like a meatball?"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNO!!'

"I hope you like your scalp pulled off you annoying bastard." Skinner said as he jabbed a steak knife into Bart's skull, cutting off the top of his head.

"Now to eat your brains." Skinner said as he ate Bart's brains.

"Duuhhhhhh!?" Bart was retarded.

Skinner smacked Bart with a bat. He put him in a bag. He grinded Bart up in a meat grinder.

The doorbell rang at the Simpson home.

"Who is it?" Homer said as he opened the door.

"Hello, Simpson father. Bart has moved to Washington D. C. to live with the president. He sent you this special package of fresh meat." Skinner said as he handed the family the meat.

"WOO-HOO!" Homer said.

"DINNER TIMME!!" Marge said.

"MMMMM!" Homer said as he ate the grilled meat.

"MMM! I also enjoy this!!!" Lisa said.

"Delicious!!" Marge said.

Maggie took out her pacifier.

"Yum."

"YAY!!!!" The family collectively cheered.

The end.

WTF
Posted ImagePosted Image

#113 Offline MetalSocks240

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:11 PM

Arthur vs. the World

It was another typical day at the Read residence where the two siblings I’m sure you all know that are Arthur and his little sister Dora Winifred or just DW for short. Now you might think two siblings fighting each other is natural but when it comes to these two, you will never know! Their parents of coarse try not to use discipline unless it was a last resort like when Arthur broke the window, Mr. Read beat his little eight year old ass with a leather belt. Or when DW told her mother to FUDGE off, Mrs. Read lifted the little girl over her knee and beat her ass relentlessly until she cried out in pain. Back to Arthur and DW fighting, usually it would end terribly with one of them falling down the stairs or getting hit.

But on a day like this where Mr. and Mrs. Read have plans to go out but couldn’t find a baby sitter for Arthur, DW, and Kate. Out of a very stupid plot device Arthur was in charge so the parents could leave. Mrs. Read left the phone numbers so Arthur can call them incase anything happens. The parents left, Arthur went over to the TV and switched it on to watch Bionic Bunny. DW came in complaining that she wanted to watch her show, the situation turned drastic and soon the two started fighting with some nasty words.

“Poop head!” DW called her brother.

“Little witch.” Arthur shouted.

“SCREW YOU!” DW yelled.

“What did you say?” Arthur yelled in question.

“I’ll tell mom that it was you that stole the snowball out of the fridge!” DW answered.

“DW for the millionth time I didn’t take it!” Arthur was getting fed up already.

“Change the channel!” DW demanded.

“After Bionic Bunny.” Arthur sat back on the green couch.

(5 minutes later…)

DW didn’t stop demanding to have the TV and started to annoy Arthur terribly. It worked him up so much that the next syllable that came out of her mouth, he didn’t care. He punched her in the face; she fell back and started moaning in pain. Not too soon after that she grabbed the lamp that was sitting on top of the desk and smashed it over Arthur’s head.

“AH!” Arthur yelled trying to cover his head.

“That’s for punching me!” DW hollered. Not too soon after that, Arthur bit back by smashing his glass of milk in her face pretty hard causing it to shatter with the shards of glass cutting her face.

DW launched herself onto Arthur while he was still on the couch pinning his face into the cushion then out of nowhere, she started to bite on Arthur’s left ear. Arthur screamed as his left ear was bleeding, until suddenly DW bit off his ear completely and spit it out onto the hardwood floor. Arthur cried trying to hold his ear; he elbowed DW in the face hard causing her to land on the floor too.

Arthur climbed on top of the couch pretending he was a professional wrestler and leaped off the couch on top of DW digging his elbow into her chest. DW howled and punched Arthur in the testicles, he fell over and DW tried leaping on him again but Arthur counters by lifting his legs up and kicking her over himself making her hit the expensive China cabinet. She fell to the floor; the big cabinet was tittering and fell on top of her.

Arthur went back to watching television like nothing happened and ignored the blood coming out from underneath the fallen cabinet.

Arthur woke up the next morning and he was mad for some reason, he saw his dog Pal sleeping on the foot of his bed. Arthur got out of bed and picked up his puppy, then walked out his room and threw his dog down the stairs hearing it yelp.

That didn’t satisfy Arthur’s anger, he walked down the stairs ignoring the injured puppy and walked into the kitchen to see his father making breakfast, “Oh hey Arthur. I’m making something stupid for breakfast and I want you to eat it.”

Arthur was angry, he walked over to the kitchen drawer and pulled out a big knife. Then he walked behind his dad and stabbed him in the back. David Read shouted in pain as Arthur continued to stab his father to death until he was a big bloody mess, Arthur got blood on his blue pajamas and decided to go take a bath. Only to find his mother brushing her hair, Arthur replied, “Get out mom I need to shit!”

“Arthur! Watch your language!” Diane Read shouted at her son, “And why is there blood all over you?”

Arthur was angry... So he shoved his mother out the window causing her to land on the driveway cracking her head open and bleeding all over the concrete. Arthur decided to go to school with his bloody pajamas on, he sat down in the classroom and doesn’t care how late he was.

“Arthur you’re four hours late, you get a detention!” Mr. Ratburn was tapping his foot on the ground, “And why are you covered in blood?”

Arthur was angry, he punched Mr. Ratburn in the testicles then lifted his own desk above his head and bashed the rat over the head with it about a hundred times until he was nothing but a bloody stump on the floor. The class cheered, Arthur stood up and announced, “I am your new king! Obey me and I will guarantee I won’t kill you! Unless you piss me off...” The kids looked at each other and decided to obey Arthur as they soon set up his own throne by stacking up their desks, “Now my follows, you all can now suck my...”

“Arthur Read, what in god’s name are you doing?” Mr. Haney demanded answers, “And why are you covered in blood?”

“Shut up and go the fudge away!” Arthur ordered, Mr. Haney left without caring. Arthur then now ordered Fern and Sue Ellen to be his fan girls, he ordered Binky and Francine to fight to the death in the classroom, he told Buster to go get him a soda, George to tell him jokes, Jenna was rubbing his feet, he told Muffy to go be useful and kill herself, he then told the Brain to dress up like an Asian hooker with a clown wig on his head and just stand there.

“Hey uh, Arthur. They don’t have cherry soda in the machine.” Buster came back with an orange soda.

Arthur was mad, he took the orange soda from Buster and bashed his face in with it. He stood up and accidently killed Jenna was his stinky feet and she died without oxygen, Francine already killed Binky by stabbing him in the eye with a pencil, Brain just stood there, he grabbed Sue Ellen and Fern and smashed their heads together. He then walked over to Francine and stabbed her in the eye with a pencil like she did with Binky. Arthur was mad, he left the classroom while George and Brain just stood there looking at each other.

“Thought he was going to kill us too.” Brain sighed in relief, suddenly out of nowhere the two left blown up for no apparent reason leaving blood and guts all over the classroom.

Arthur was still mad, he walked over to Crosswire motors and stole a car then ran over Mr. Crosswire. He stopped at the sugar bowl and wanted ice cream, they didn’t have the flavor he wanted so he killed everyone there too, he then went to the library and found out the books he wanted weren’t there either so killed the librarian and everyone in it. He was laughing like a maniac as he went on a rampage through out Elwood City. He wasn’t finally satisfied until everyone was dead... but then...

Arthur was all alone... he dropped to his knees looking at his shaking hands trembling, “What have I done?” He looked up at the sky, “I NEED HELP!” And then Arthur was struck by lightning and went to hell like everyone else did while the devil showed him nothing but old reruns of Sex in the City. Arthur screamed loudly for the rest of eternity.

WAT?

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#114 Offline Malkmusian

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:19 PM

Arthur vs. the World

It was another typical day at the Read residence where the two siblings I’m sure you all know that are Arthur and his little sister Dora Winifred or just DW for short. Now you might think two siblings fighting each other is natural but when it comes to these two, you will never know! Their parents of coarse try not to use discipline unless it was a last resort like when Arthur broke the window, Mr. Read beat his little eight year old ass with a leather belt. Or when DW told her mother to FUDGE off, Mrs. Read lifted the little girl over her knee and beat her ass relentlessly until she cried out in pain. Back to Arthur and DW fighting, usually it would end terribly with one of them falling down the stairs or getting hit.

But on a day like this where Mr. and Mrs. Read have plans to go out but couldn’t find a baby sitter for Arthur, DW, and Kate. Out of a very stupid plot device Arthur was in charge so the parents could leave. Mrs. Read left the phone numbers so Arthur can call them incase anything happens. The parents left, Arthur went over to the TV and switched it on to watch Bionic Bunny. DW came in complaining that she wanted to watch her show, the situation turned drastic and soon the two started fighting with some nasty words.

“Poop head!” DW called her brother.

“Little witch.” Arthur shouted.

“SCREW YOU!” DW yelled.

“What did you say?” Arthur yelled in question.

“I’ll tell mom that it was you that stole the snowball out of the fridge!” DW answered.

“DW for the millionth time I didn’t take it!” Arthur was getting fed up already.

“Change the channel!” DW demanded.

“After Bionic Bunny.” Arthur sat back on the green couch.

(5 minutes later…)

DW didn’t stop demanding to have the TV and started to annoy Arthur terribly. It worked him up so much that the next syllable that came out of her mouth, he didn’t care. He punched her in the face; she fell back and started moaning in pain. Not too soon after that she grabbed the lamp that was sitting on top of the desk and smashed it over Arthur’s head.

“AH!” Arthur yelled trying to cover his head.

“That’s for punching me!” DW hollered. Not too soon after that, Arthur bit back by smashing his glass of milk in her face pretty hard causing it to shatter with the shards of glass cutting her face.

DW launched herself onto Arthur while he was still on the couch pinning his face into the cushion then out of nowhere, she started to bite on Arthur’s left ear. Arthur screamed as his left ear was bleeding, until suddenly DW bit off his ear completely and spit it out onto the hardwood floor. Arthur cried trying to hold his ear; he elbowed DW in the face hard causing her to land on the floor too.

Arthur climbed on top of the couch pretending he was a professional wrestler and leaped off the couch on top of DW digging his elbow into her chest. DW howled and punched Arthur in the testicles, he fell over and DW tried leaping on him again but Arthur counters by lifting his legs up and kicking her over himself making her hit the expensive China cabinet. She fell to the floor; the big cabinet was tittering and fell on top of her.

Arthur went back to watching television like nothing happened and ignored the blood coming out from underneath the fallen cabinet.

Arthur woke up the next morning and he was mad for some reason, he saw his dog Pal sleeping on the foot of his bed. Arthur got out of bed and picked up his puppy, then walked out his room and threw his dog down the stairs hearing it yelp.

That didn’t satisfy Arthur’s anger, he walked down the stairs ignoring the injured puppy and walked into the kitchen to see his father making breakfast, “Oh hey Arthur. I’m making something stupid for breakfast and I want you to eat it.”

Arthur was angry, he walked over to the kitchen drawer and pulled out a big knife. Then he walked behind his dad and stabbed him in the back. David Read shouted in pain as Arthur continued to stab his father to death until he was a big bloody mess, Arthur got blood on his blue pajamas and decided to go take a bath. Only to find his mother brushing her hair, Arthur replied, “Get out mom I need to shit!”

“Arthur! Watch your language!” Diane Read shouted at her son, “And why is there blood all over you?”

Arthur was angry... So he shoved his mother out the window causing her to land on the driveway cracking her head open and bleeding all over the concrete. Arthur decided to go to school with his bloody pajamas on, he sat down in the classroom and doesn’t care how late he was.

“Arthur you’re four hours late, you get a detention!” Mr. Ratburn was tapping his foot on the ground, “And why are you covered in blood?”

Arthur was angry, he punched Mr. Ratburn in the testicles then lifted his own desk above his head and bashed the rat over the head with it about a hundred times until he was nothing but a bloody stump on the floor. The class cheered, Arthur stood up and announced, “I am your new king! Obey me and I will guarantee I won’t kill you! Unless you piss me off...” The kids looked at each other and decided to obey Arthur as they soon set up his own throne by stacking up their desks, “Now my follows, you all can now suck my...”

“Arthur Read, what in god’s name are you doing?” Mr. Haney demanded answers, “And why are you covered in blood?”

“Shut up and go the fudge away!” Arthur ordered, Mr. Haney left without caring. Arthur then now ordered Fern and Sue Ellen to be his fan girls, he ordered Binky and Francine to fight to the death in the classroom, he told Buster to go get him a soda, George to tell him jokes, Jenna was rubbing his feet, he told Muffy to go be useful and kill herself, he then told the Brain to dress up like an Asian hooker with a clown wig on his head and just stand there.

“Hey uh, Arthur. They don’t have cherry soda in the machine.” Buster came back with an orange soda.

Arthur was mad, he took the orange soda from Buster and bashed his face in with it. He stood up and accidently killed Jenna was his stinky feet and she died without oxygen, Francine already killed Binky by stabbing him in the eye with a pencil, Brain just stood there, he grabbed Sue Ellen and Fern and smashed their heads together. He then walked over to Francine and stabbed her in the eye with a pencil like she did with Binky. Arthur was mad, he left the classroom while George and Brain just stood there looking at each other.

“Thought he was going to kill us too.” Brain sighed in relief, suddenly out of nowhere the two left blown up for no apparent reason leaving blood and guts all over the classroom.

Arthur was still mad, he walked over to Crosswire motors and stole a car then ran over Mr. Crosswire. He stopped at the sugar bowl and wanted ice cream, they didn’t have the flavor he wanted so he killed everyone there too, he then went to the library and found out the books he wanted weren’t there either so killed the librarian and everyone in it. He was laughing like a maniac as he went on a rampage through out Elwood City. He wasn’t finally satisfied until everyone was dead... but then...

Arthur was all alone... he dropped to his knees looking at his shaking hands trembling, “What have I done?” He looked up at the sky, “I NEED HELP!” And then Arthur was struck by lightning and went to hell like everyone else did while the devil showed him nothing but old reruns of Sex in the City. Arthur screamed loudly for the rest of eternity.

WAT?

Marc Brown's Psycho
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#115 Offline MetalSocks240

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:31 PM

How To Break A Family

DW was at kindergarten, playing in the sandbox. “Hey DW,” the Tibbles came up to her and started talking, “We have a dare for you.”

“Why would I do something you tell me?” DW asked, not taking her eyes off her toys.

“Well…” they replied, “When we were walking on the street, we saw something you lost,” they held up a small, blue-spotted stuffed cow.

“Mary Moo Cow!” DW shouted, trying to grab her long-lost toy.

“A-a-ah, not so fast,” Tommy Tibble said, “First, you have to pinky-swear to do our dare.”

“Okay, okay. What do I have to do?” DW questioned without hesitation. It was her favorite cow’s life at stake here.

“When we all go in, you have to hide behind the bushes,” Timmy began, “And when the coast is clear, you have to go on the store and get some candy,” Tommy continued, and the Tibbles laughed.

“No way,” DW disagreed.

“Timmy,” commanded Tommy, “Kill the cow.” Tommy Tibble took out a pair of scissors and pointed them at the cow’s throat.

“No!” DW yelled, “Okay, I’ll do it. Just don’t hurt Mary Moo Cow!”

“Okay. The store is just across the street,” the twins said and left.

DW hugged her cow, and gulped, afraid of what she agreed to do. “Maybe I can tell them I went, and there was no candy in the store,” she whispered to herself.

“Oh, by the way, DW,” the boys called to her, “We’ll be watching you.”

It was time. Everybody went inside, but DW stayed behind, in the bushes, like she was supposed to. She got out of the bushes and shook off the leaves she got on her clothes. She took another last glance at the small yard, and left it, her heart pounding and her hands shaking. Taking a deep breath, and clutching Mary Moo Cow closer to her, she left the yard.

DW was walking on the half-empty streets, searching for that store. She passed it millions of times with her parents, but when she was alone, everything seemed so much bigger… scarier. All of a sudden, a shady, silver van pulled up beside her. A man wearing sunglasses and a hat popped his head out of the open window and asked, “Hey, little girl, I just got a big bag of candy, and I don’t have anyone to share it with. Do you want some?”

“Oh, yes, please!” DW exclaimed. This was great. Now she wouldn’t have to go to the store.

“Come right over here,” he gestured with his finger.

“Oh, thank you mister,” DW came close to the window.

“This bag is very big, so I have to open the door to give it to you,” he explained as he opened the door.

“Where is the bag?” DW stared in confusion.

“It’s inside. Come closer…” the man mumbled. DW stuck her head into the car. Just as she did, the man grabbed her, gagged, tied her up and shoved her into the back seat. With a roar of the engine, the van drove away.

Oh god...I don't even want to continue.

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#116 Offline Ianprower

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:57 PM

Arthur's Bad Day

A FanFiction by The Amazing Captain Awesome(LOL)

Based on the Characters and Stories by Marc Brown

As he lay in his bed, Arthur could not sleep. He wished for the days in Mister Ratburn's class,
so many years ago. Grade eleven was already hard enough. It was a hard day for the little Aardvark, but what could he do but supress his feelings? What else was there that he could do? It all started many hours ago, when he woke up at his friend Buster's house after a sleep-over.

"Arthur, hey Arthur," whispered Buster in the darkness. Arthur reached out from his sleeping bag and reached for his glasses. It was dark, but the electronic clock was bright and penetrated the abyssmal recesses that was Buster's room. The red number were glowing brightly, and burned Arthur's eyes. He tried to make out the time.

"Buster, it's three o'clock in the morning. What are you doing up? Arthur said weerily.

"I wanted to show you something, but I was waiting for my mom to go to bed." Buster sat up, and rolled out of bed.
He reached into a shoebox under his bed. Buster was hiding something here, it was very clear he didn't want his mom to see what he had collected. Buster opened the box and pulled out a magazine, and he turned on a flashlight that was neatly tucked inbetween his mattress and his bed. He spoke to Arthur,

"I don't get to see my Dad very much, ever since my parents split up. My mom told me that my Dad wasn't right,
that he was confused. But I don't know what she means, well at least I didn't."

Buster opened the magazine, and showed Arthur. The magazine was of the erotic nature, something that boys their age could not understand. But what they truly couldn't understand was that the people in this magazine, with all their touching and their kissing...they were all men.

"I think my Dad," Buster stammered,"I think my Dad might like boys instead of girls. I think that's why my parents split up. Arthur, I got this magazine out of my Dad's sock drawer last summer."

Arthur sat up. He felt uncomfortable. He remembered learning in Church that boys are supposed to like girls,
and they weren't supposed to fall in love with boys. It was stated very clearly in the book of Leviticus.

Arthur thought long and hard about Bible class, but he couldn't help but notice Buster's hands. One was holding the book, the other holding the flashlight. The light was long and slender, smooth and warm from the light.

Buster was enjoying feeling the light in his hand while he looked in the magazine.

"Buster," exclaimed Arthur,"you need to put that book away, or Jesus might think you like boys! And then you'll never get to heaven!"

Buster dropped the book, and turned off the light. He leaned forward on all fours and got right in Arthur's face.
"It's too late Arthur, I like boys too."

Buster pounced on Arthur, and shoved a sock in his mouth to muffle the scream. Arthur struggled, and tried to get away.
Buster grabbed the flashlight and hit Arthur over the head. That's when everything when dark.

It must've only been a few mintues, but Arthur opened his eyes, his right lens of his glasses was shattered, but through them the light from the clock shown through the darkness still. It read three twenty-seven. He had been out cold for twenty minutes. He tried to stand up, but then he noticed he was tied down to Buster's computer chair, with Buster's video camcorder watching him. Arthur looked down, he was naked. All of his clothes lay on the floor, a spot of blood on his shirt. His head must've been bleeding. He tried to check his face for blood,
but he could feel layers of tape holding his hands behind the neck of the chair.

Buster reached around Arthur's neck from behind, and nibbled on his ear.
"Be still," Buster whispered,"this is not going to hurt unless you make it hurt"
Buster lifted Arthurs arms up, and threw him on the floor. Arthur felt like a cold, naked turkey on Thanksgiving.
Bound, helpless and at the mercy of his captor. Buster slid up to Arthur's backside. And he prodded his penis at Arthur's anus.

Arthur struggled, he clenched tightly. HE tried to yell, but the sock in his mouth was now replaced with duct-tape.
Buster was no longer the innocent boy Arthur knew from so long ago. Then Buster raped Arthur. He violated him in his anus. Arthur grunted, but to no avail. Buster's dry cock rubbed his insides raw, he would do nothing but make it harder for himself. He prayed so heavily, that Jesus would take him that moment. But Buster kept pounding and pounding, slapping Arthur's buttocks. Then Buster came, he came hard to Arthur's now desecrated anus.

Buster stood, cum dripping from the tip of his penis. Arthur cried and cried, and kept praying. Buster opened his window, and picked Arthur up. He threw Arthur from his first-story window and tossed his clothes down to him.
Buster cleaned himself up, and grabbed a knife from his desk. Buster then climbed out the window and cut Arthur's bonds of shame.

"Get dressed, and go home. And if you tell anyone what happened, I'll kill your sister as you bleed to death watching."

Arthur pulled the tape off his mouth, and ran off naked, holding his clothes to his chest. He ran home, and slipped through the front door and into his room.

And laid in bed and cried and cried. He could not sleep, this day was so hard. His anus was so sore, and he was sure he bleeding after all the running. He laid in bed.

"Heavenly Father, please forgive me."

Arthur raised from his bed, and went to his closet. He took his favorite coat from a hanger. The hanger was cold metal. Arthur stretched the hanger and put it over his head, and began to turn it tighter and tighter. He cried and cried,
and he kneeled down to the floor. He reached behind his head and straightened the hook on the hanger. He turned around and leaned against the wall, and slid down slowly, until he felt the hook graze the electrical outlet. He closed his eyes.

"Be there for me Jesus."

Arthur pushed his head back, and the hanger entered the outlet. Tweleve amps entered his head and, due to the concussion he was already suffering, Arthur died from the shock.

But Arthur did not got to heaven, for committing suicide is a sin. He waited in purgatory until Judgement Day when he and Buster, who had now raped thirty-seven little boys in fourteen counties was found guilty of being a homosexual and disobeying God's covenant. And they were both cast into the fiery pit along with Satan and his rebel Angels.

The End
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#117 Offline MetalSocks240

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:18 PM

DW’s mom was in the kindergarten, to pick her up.

“Oh my,” said the teacher, “she isn’t here. I got a phone call, saying that she was going home, early this morning.”

“What?!” Mrs. Read shouted. “Where is my daughter? What happened to her? She is missing! No! My little girl is missing!”

“Calm down,” the teacher guided Mrs. Read to a chair. “I am sure she’s fine.”

“I… I have to call the police. I have to call my husband. Where is DW?” cried DW’s mom.

“I don’t know,” replied the teacher sadly, “But maybe some of the other students know.” And so she asked the entire class. All of them said they had no idea where DW was, including the Tibbles, who didn’t want to get in trouble.

Arthur was sitting at home on the couch, watching Bionic Bunny. He was wondering why his mom and his sister weren’t back yet, but whatever the reason, he was glad. Thanks to DW’s favorite shows, he hasn’t seen Bionic Bunny in months.

“Arthur,” his dad came over, in front of the TV.

“Dad, I’m watching,” Arthur mumbled.

“This is more important,” Mr. Read switched off the television.

“What is it?” Arthur stretched as he asked, reluctantly, thinking this was something about chores or school.

“Well, your mother has just phoned, from the police station,” his dad told him.

“What?” Arthur sat up on the couch, alerted, “What happened?”

“DW…” Mr. Read stated, “She’s missing.”

“What?! How? When?” Arthur stuttered.

“Calm down son. She disappeared from kindergarten this morning. The police have already begun searching for her.”

The doorbell rang. “Maybe its DW!” shouted Mr. Read. He ran to the door.

“Hi,” Mrs. Read said as she entered the room. No DW.

“Mom, what happened to DW?” Arthur asked worriedly.

“Nobody knows, sweetie,” she answered, tears welling up in her eyes.

“It’s alright,” Mr. Read comforted her, putting his arm around his wife’s shoulders, “We’ll find her. I’m sure she is fine.”

“Don’t touch me,” snapped Mrs. Read, pulling away from her husband. Something strange was going on.


Days passed, but the police have still not found DW. It was the day of DW’s birthday, and grandma Thora was calling to tell her granddaughter happy birthday.

‘RING RING’ the telephone rang.

“Hello?” Arthur picked up the phone.

“Good morning, Arthur,” his grandma said cheerfully.

“Morning,” he muttered.

“How are you, sweetheart?” grandma Thora asked. Arthur didn’t reply. “Well, aren’t you gonna give the phone to the birthday girl?”

“She’s… not here right now,” Arthur sighed.

“What? Well, where is she?”

“Grandma… DW is… she is missing. For five days now.” He blurted out.

“WHAT?” shouted grandma Thora, “Oh, no. No…” There was a gasping noise, followed by a loud bang, and a crack. “Help me…” whispered Arthur’s grandmother.

“Grandma? Are you okay?” Arthur yelled into the phone. “Grandma?” the line went dead. “GRANDMA?”

Arthur, his parents and his baby sister Kate were sitting in a hospital waiting room. A door opened and a doctor in a white robe came out.

“What happened to her?” asked Mr. Read, getting up from his chair.

“Sir, it looks as though she had a heart attack,” the doctor replied, “We did a surgery, but – “

“How is she doing now?” Mr. Read interrupted.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Read. You mother, Thora Read… she…”

Grandma!!!

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#118 Offline appdirect

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:28 PM

For some reason, there are more fanfictions of the Fairy oddparents than Family Guy.

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#119 Offline Ianprower

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:43 PM

For some reason, there are more fanfictions of the Fairy oddparents than Family Guy.


Godchild Molestation

The Fairy World new is alive with new allegations of molestation made by the godchildren. The reports center around a fairy named Micheal who allegedly brought his godchild to Fairy World, gave him Fairy Juice, and then molested him. The his the tenth such report in a year.

Back on Earth, Cosmo and Wanda are watching Fairy News when Timmy walks in. He watches the new report.

“What's Fairy Juice?” Timmy asks.

“It's this!” Cosmo says, magically creating a shiny goblet of red juice.

“Cosmo, no!” Wanda yells, but it's too late. Timmy drinks it.

“Mm. That was good. Cosmo, what's child molestation?”

“Here, Timmy. I'll show you!” Cosmo says.

“Cosmo, you fucking idiot!” Wanda screams. Cosmo puts his hand down Timmy's pants.

“What the-”, Timmy begins.

“Shh...” Cosmo says, removing his shirt. “Oh, yeah!”

Timmy screams. Fairy Cops burst in and arrest Cosmo. Timmy is crying now.

“Well, we all knew Cosmo was a fucking water-head retard.” Wanda says as the cops haul Cosmo away.

On the news the next day, Fairy Micheal is saying “I love all the children of the world. Your being ignorant. That's ignorant!”

Meanwhile, psycho-ass teacher Crocker is watching Fairy TV when human cops burst in. “Drop the child porn, pedophile!” they scream, guns drawn.

“FAIRIES!” psycho yells. “Look at them on the screen! PROOF!” The screen is now displaying images of the molested godchildren.

“You sick mother fucker!” the cops yell.

“I- but- ” Crocker says, reaching for one of his gadgets.

“That psycho's got a fuckin' bomb! Kill him!” the cops yell, wasting him with their M-16's.

Meanwhile, in Fairy Court, Timmy is testifying against Cosmo with Jorgen as the prosecutor. “Timmy Turnhun!” He says in his stolen Arnold voice, “Show the people where he touched you on this doll!” Timmy points to the groin. The crowd gasps.

“Cosmo, you sick bastard!” the judge yells. “I sentence you to a million years in Fairy Prison!”

Cosmo is magically sent to a prison cell with Micheal. “Hey, wanna play? I'm Peter Pan!” Micheal says. “Now bend over, I wanna ride the pony!” Micheal mounts up.

“Rape! RAPE!” Cosmo screams.

“No, that's ignorant! Don't be ignorant!” Micheal says.

The End.
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#120 Offline eletricalmonkss

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:47 PM

It was the first day of the integration workshop. Archie Bunker found a place to stand and smoke in the back of the room. A sea of heads dropped, almost in unison, as the class took their seats. Only Archie was left standing. The group turned and watched him. Grumbling, Archie put out his cigar and found a seat.
“Today,” began the instructor, a beautiful black woman with long, glossy hair,
“Today, we’ll start by getting to know each other. The first step to integration is understanding. Then comes tolerance.
“Before I pair you up, I’d like you to all shake hands. I’d even like to see some friendly embraces. Now find someone of a different race, and get to know them. Go on, get up,” she urged them.
Archie brought himself to his feet and glared around him, daring someone to get near him. Out of nowhere, two black arms wrapped around Archie’s mass. He cried out and shoved the man off of him.
“What da hell do ya think yer doin’!” Archie demanded.
“Tolerance, understanding, brotherly love...” explained the man.
“Now, listen here! I ain’t your brother and I sure as hell don’t love yeh!”
“Alright, alright, I hear you,” replied the man with his hands to his shoulders in a defensive gesture. He turned around, and Archie watched him attack another white man. Before he could watch the man’s response, Archie turned to leave the room.
The instructor met him at the door.
“Just where do you think you’re going?”
“I was goin’ ter get oudda dis hellhole,” replied Archie.
“What, you didn’t find any decent people worth knowing? Or,” leaning into him, her coal-black eyes glowing, she propounded “Is your strong prejudice veiling those beautiful blue eyes of yours?”
Archie’s eyes widened and his eyebrows chased his receded hairline.
“If you stay,” whispered the woman, “I might just give you an after-class tutoring session.”
“Now, why da hell would I want to be tutored for a dumb class I don’ even wanna be in in da firs’ place!” The woman put her finger to Archie’s lips.
“Oh, believe me, you thick-skulled, white supremacist lard ass,” she spoke, an ebony hand reaching his plump rear end, “You’ll want this lesson.”
The bulge in Archie’s pants indicated that he understood.

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