Spaceman Schmuck

Shitty movies you've seen recently

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TVBForever

Baywatch

 

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LordSmeargle

Smokey and the Bandit - Part 3

If it wasn't for Jackie Gleason's (The Hustler) spirited performance as Buford T. Justice, there wouldn't have been a whole lot of good to write home about the film. Clocking in at 81 minutes (PAL version), the film has a bit of filler, especially at the beginning, with the titles thinking that it is Star Wars before showcasing Buford's attempt to apprehend (and fail to do so with) the Bandit in two minutes. The Enos duo decide to coax Buford into a bet of a quarter of a million dollars (with Buford's badge as collateral) to deliver a shark mascot for the Enos' (misspelt as 'Enis') Fish 'n' Chips. Unhappy with retirement, Buford accepts and brings Junior - also played by a returning Mike Henry (Tarzan film series) - along with him, which drives the plot ten minutes in.

Jerry Reed (Gator) ends up playing the Bandit this time while Burt Reynolds appears in a small cameo, with Colleen Camp (Game of Death) filling in for Sally Field. As a fun fact, Jerry Reed was actually considered for the role of the Bandit from the first film before Reynolds agreed to be the lead. Snowman actually lampshades this, as he gushes over being the Bandit before driving the Trans Am that would go on to star in the TV Series Knight Rider.

To its credit, this movie actually has a soundtrack that can go toe-to-toe with the first two films, including the end credits song "Ticket for the Wind". It's definitely not the best way for the series to end, but Gleason tried with all his heart to make it work. If you can find the film, then it could be worth seeing just for him and the end song.

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Brillemeister

Forever My Girl is  a fucking abomination. At least Nicholas Sparks movies make sense. Here's my review.

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trepmaws

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

The action scenes were entertaining with how ridiculous they were, but boy was the exposition clumsy and humor hit-and-miss. Doesn't help that none of the new or returning characters were that fun to watch this time around, even Barbossa, who was one of my favorites in movies 1 and 3. Oh well.

Spoiler

Also, Jack starts demanding tribute from his crew, which I figured was due to him falling on hard times, but Salazar's flashback suggests this is always something Jack does? It's been a while since I've seen the first three movies and I haven't seen 4 yet, but did I miss something?

 

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Jarret91

The Last Jedi: I've decided to let this film set after watching it for the first time, so that I could reflect on it. After weeks have passed all I can find myself saying is that. "It's okay." I wouldn't say it's the worst film I've seen of 2017 definitely flawed don't get me wrong there. It felt way too long at certain points, which could have been easily trimmed to a more tolerable time. The Canto Bight subplot could have worked like say in the vains of the Cairo scene from Raiders. Something fun, to take the serious edge off of it. I'm all for. But in the end it just felt tacked just to give Finn something to do while Rey trained under Luke.

Another thing. For so much that focused on the Jedi, we don't get much insight of the teachings Luke brought. We just get a connection to the force, that's it. That whole ordeal was underwhelming to say. Now I am not against the idea of a bitter older Jedi Luke, but I felt it could have been done better. What triggered the whole Kylo Ren aspect, yeah I am sure you've heard it before. "This man brought Darth Vader back to the light, and yet he was going to kill his nephew." What was the point? To add drama? They could have kept it to where Ben turned, but Luke pushing just because he felt a great sense of the Darkside within him? Yeah..kind of itchy. Knights of Ren? Where the fuck where they? Did they just forget about them for shits and giggles? Possibly, wouldn't be surprised.

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Nozdordomu

Well, Luke almost killed Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi, but decided against it, and that's pretty much what happened here. He was only really planning on killing Kylo Ren for like a second, before realizing he couldn't do it. Maybe that second was still too much for a lot of people - it was for Kylo Ren, obviously - but he's not a murderer, and it didn't feel like drama for drama's sake. It seems like one generation invariably turns on the last one in Star Wars, whatever the exact reasons are.

I agree on the Canto Bight subplot, though. I don't mind social commentary, but it didn't really go anywhere, and it's annoying to see Finn sidelined in his own damn subplot.

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The Pope

The point they were trying to get across with the Canto Bight subplot is tearing down the system of elites, which ties in to Rey's story. She's not a Skywalker or a Solo or part of some grand dynasty; she's just some nobody. It's why the random slave kid also getting the force was also important; the message of the movie is basically "Up until now this whole series has been about royal families, now it's about random nobodies being able to assert themselves".

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Nozdordomu

That makes a lot more sense, but it didn't really come across while I was watching. It just felt weird how they went on about elitism and classism being the problem, but the Cantobighter who ended up selling them out wasn't an upper-crust bigwig, it was a guy without loyalty to anything. I thought that idea was much more interesting, actually.

Spoiler

And if I'm being completely honest, I like the Poe/Holdo subplot less the more I think about it. Don't get me wrong, I loved how the movie got everybody on Poe's side only to pull the rug out from under them, but when you go back and actually look at their conflict from each side, it seems like both of them are just acting really stupidly the entire time. Poe for being way too belligerent and reckless with questionable good intentions, and Holdo for being unnecessarily obscure. Really, if you had a plan that affected the fate of the galaxy, and there was any possibility of you dying and not being able to carry it out, you'd probably want to tell somebody else, right? Maybe not Poe, but just anybody. I'm assuming she did, but they never made that clear, either. When I weigh all the plot points, I end up begrudgingly siding with Poe, even though the movie clearly wants you to side with Holdo. And that whole "toxic masculinity" thing only gets you so far, since he's doing what he thinks Leia would want him to, even though he's dead wrong about it. (Is that supposed to be a masculine fault, too? I don't have a fucking clue.)

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it feels like this subplot invites a lot of overthinking. I guess all I'm saying is it's a decent twist that doesn't exactly improve the movie in hindsight. Kinda reminds me of Dark Knight Rises, come to think of it (but not quite as egregious as that film).

(Should I be hiding all of this in spoilers? I think most people have seen it already, but I'm not sure about that...)

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The Pope

Someone made a good point that if Holdo was a man and gave Poe the same speech about how as his superior he had no obligation to inform his grunts of his plans, people wouldn't bat an eye. And it's kinda depressingly true.

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Nozdordomu

Well, if Holdo was a man and Poe was a woman, it would be a lot more infuriating, I'll tell you that. Anyway, I've heard that before and it doesn't change my mind.

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TheOneManBoxOffice

The Human Monster (a.k.a. The Dark Eyes of London)

It's not that it's a shitty movie. Bela Lugosi's performance in this is memorable, but the movie itself is pretty dull.

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Brillemeister

Winchester was decent to look at but boring.

 

 

Also...jump scares. :nogood:

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VentXekart

Extraterrestrial (2014)

The hipster character with the glasses was annoying as fuck, so was the blonde chick and the old-ass conspiracy theorist/Vietnam vet but it was slightly satisfying to see the first get his arm ripped off, have black goo sprayed on him, have a leech thing burrow into his belly-button and of course it wouldn't be an alien abduction movie unless he got anally probed. Though funnily enough, there was some foreshadowing for that with the asshole deputy that got blasted with a shotgun.

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Nozdordomu
On 2/2/2018 at 3:24 PM, Brillemeister said:

Winchester was decent to look at but boring.

Also...jump scares. :nogood:

Just seeing the trailer for that movie pissed me off. I've been to the Winchester Mystery House a few times, and it's already creepy enough by itself; you don't need to add stupid ghosts and jump scares to make it creepier. I'll bet it would've made for a great ambiguous horror story, à la Picnic at Hanging Rock.

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MemeKirisame

So a good horror makes people think a jumpscare is coming, but it doesn't.

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TVBForever

And speaking of shitty horror movies...

The Cloverfield Paradox

It's not just terrible, but it's terrible in the most depressing way possible. Like I can see why Paramount dumped in on Netflix at the last minute; but at the same time, this is a follow-up of two Cloverfield movies that were great, yet someway, somehow the film was sabotaged by shitty writing and dialogue, petty as hell story, and many horror movie cliches implemented everywhere (especially constant jump scares, which for any post-early 90s horror movie is a red flag).

One positive note however, the visuals are outstanding to look at and the acting for every single big stars in the film is surprisingly pretty decent. But still, this film was pretty bad.

Hell watching this, I think of it as similar as Alien Covenant but much worse. Not a good sign considering Alien Covenant was also bad.

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Brillemeister

I could kick my own ass for thinking I'd like The 15:17 to Paris. Easily a third of it is literally video of the main "actors" on vacation. That's not even getting into the vague propagandism.

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TheOneManBoxOffice

I'm starting to think propagandism is more apparent in Clint Eastwood's later works, The 15:17 to Paris included. That is if 2014's American Sniper wasn't that much of a clue of that. His last film, Sully, was quite good though. I dunno about Jersey Boys, since I haven't seen that one, but there shouldn't really be anything political about a biography centering around The Four Seasons (the group).

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appdirect

Freddy Got Fingered.

That was a weird experience more than a movie, Tom Green certainly likes to grab animal penises.

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TVBForever

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

...meh.

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