Yesterday, 12:38 PM | Nozdordomu in Satire

If Murphy’s Law is true, then it really bit Phillips in the ass. Eager to wring glorious amounts of cash out of the hot new CD-i console and a legal Nintendo license, the company bankrolled three Zelda releases and one Mario game, each coming out in 1993 and 1994. However, a combination of poor console marketing, frustrating game controls, disconnect with the previous Zelda and Mario games, and some of the strangest, most unintentionally hilarious animations ever firmly lodged the games into the bargain bin of history. Nowadays Link: the Faces of Evil and Zelda: the Wand of Gamelon are often ridiculed by Zelda fans and Youtube Poopers the world over for their…uh, unique qualities.

But even if these installments failed at being fun, enticing, or even playable, they did succeed at creating an interestingly skewed vision of the Zelda universe. And with the addition of new worlds like Koridai and Gamelon came an entourage of bizarre one-shot characters, none of which lasted for long onscreen but left definite impressions on anyone who saw them. The Zelda CD-i universe is a haven for all of the rejected sprites, unfinished animations, racial stereotypes, loose women, and sheer insanities that made their way into it. I am here today to compile a list of these oft-overlooked personages, and plumb the depths of this strangely captivating world.

I’m going by the lesser known NPCs and bosses here, so relatively popular characters like King Har...

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