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YouChew Best of the Year - 2015


Biodegradable

Well, hello again. Biodegradable ‘ere to divvy up the results for YouChew’s Best in that depressing, god-awful, celebrity-killing, terrorism-inflated, shit-stain of a year that was 2015. I may be projecting a little but fuck you, 2015 sucked.

=THE WORLD IN BRIEF=

Oh boy, let’s wrap up everything that happened in this year in pop culture on the big blue ball of idiots, shall we?

~BEST MOVIE~

We certainly like our movies here at the Chew, with many of us having encyclopedic knowledge of all things cinema. We love to gab about what’s coming out, reminisce about the old classics and debate over controversies. So, let’s start this shindig off with the best movie.

And the nominees are:

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens
  • Inside Out
  • Mad Max: Fury Road
  • Straight Outta Compton
  • The Martian

And the winner is:

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

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Finally, a Star Wars movie that doesn’t suck

I think most of us were skeptical when Disney bought the beloved and overexposed franchise from Lucas and even more skeptical when JJ Abrams was announced as director. But I think I speak for all of us when I say that it was a very pleasant surprise that this movie wasn’t a pile of Wookie shite. Yeah, it’s far from perfect, but I think we’d all rather a highly-produced fan film over anything Lucas may have had planned. Now let’s hope they don’t fuck up Rogue One.

Runner-Up:
Inside Out

~WORST MOVIE~

Naturally, you can’t have a Best Movie without a Worst Movie. 2015 for movies really, really sucked. So, which one did we decide to “chew out?”

The nominees are:

  • Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
  • Cool Cat Saves the Kids
  • Fan4stic

And the winner is:

Cool Cat Saves the Kids

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‘Dere he is

One of the most hopelessly incompetent and misguided children’s education films to ever grace celluloid, Cool Cat Saves the Kids managed to achieve the level of So Bad, It’s Good calibre that hasn’t been seen since Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. Its director also managed to claim some notoriety for being a man-child who cannot take criticism and has no idea how the Fair Use legal doctrine worked, throwing copyright strikes at YouTube critics and basically exposing himself as a complete hypocritical moron with the self-awareness of a baked potato.    

~BEST TV SERIES~

Now we move on the bastard child of cinema, the television. While Hollywood continues to pump out mediocre garbage, we’re being spoiled by some really fantastic shows lately.

The nominees are:

  • Steven Universe (Season 2)
  • Rick & Morty (Season 2)
  • Gravity Falls (Season 2)
  • One-Punch Man
  • Better Call Saul (Season 1)

And the winner is:

One-Punch Man

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Falcon Punch? Oh puh-leez

The anime about a frustrated hero who can never find a challenge due to his incredible superpower of debilitating any enemy with a single punch, One-Punch Man is a satirical take on the stagnating superhero genre.

Runner-Up:
Rick & Morty (Season 2)

~WORST TV SERIES~

Yeah, the idiot box wasn’t immune to squirting out watery shits of its own.

The nominees are… well there’s only one nominee so they win, I guess.

The winner is:

Family Guy (Season 13)

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Oh man, this is more ___ than that time I ___ with a ___

As a former fan and avid collector of the DVDs, this show took a fuckin’ nose-dive. It honestly feels that either the show knows it can’t get cancelled and can get away with murder, or it’s desperately trying to get itself canned by deliberately trying to be as offensive as humanly possible. Either way, someone needs to take this thing around the back of the shed and put a bullet in its head. Jesus Christ…

~BEST ALBUM~

We’re music lovers here at the Chew. A lot us could waffle on for hours about sound quality, finding the best headphones and trading listening recommendations. So first, let’s have a look at what YouChew decided was the absolute best ear candy 2015 had to offer.

The nominees are:

  • Bad Magic – Motorhead
  • To Pimp a Butterfly – Kendrick Lamar
  • The Undertale Soundtrack – Toby Fox
  • Compton – Dr Dre
  • Book of Souls – Iron Maiden

And the winner is:

The Undertale Soundtrack

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The soundtrack’s awesomeness fills you with determination

Dear god, this soundtrack is gorgeous. Every single piece from the game, much like its characters, is brimming with personality and depth. Undertale’s achievements knows no bounds and its music alone is a thing of beauty that will garner a shit-ton of kudos from musos worldwide. Undoubtedly the soundtrack has the undivided attention of certain YouChewians who would like nothing better than to listen to it for hours on end. My personal favourite “Waterfall” is an absorbing, haunting and elegant piece that makes my heart swoon with delight. Mmm…

Runner-Up:
To Pimp a Butterfly – Kendrick Lamar

~WORST ALBUM~

Right, now it’s time to announce the album that had every YouChewian’s ears want to dry-heave.

The nominees are:

  • Title – Meghan Trainor
  • Fan of a Fan: The Album – Chris Brown & Tyga
  • Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz – Miley Cyrus

And the winner is:

Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz

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The more she attempts to be edgy, the more laughable she becomes.

Miley Cyrus gave us a 90-minute vanity project trying its best to be a psychedelic art album, but falls flat on its face. Despite being produced by The Flaming Lips of all people, the album is garbage due to being nothing more than the usual bland, badly-written, over-processed load of wank that you can only expect to come out of the pop genre. Was anyone really surprised by this?

~BEST GAME~

Video games, we love ‘em. They’re fun and stuff, so let’s see which one we loved best.

The nominees are:

  • Splatoon
  • Fallout 4
  • Undertale
  • Super Mario Maker
  • Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

And the winner is:

Undertale

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I will never trust flowers again

Seemed kind of obvious, huh? Well, it deserves it, really. It’s the runaway hit of the year and the internet collectively lost its shit. YouChew alone was plagued with references and a lot of members sporting Undertale-themed profile pics and signatures for essentially the entire year. This indie darling is a touching, charming little game with a retro throwback that doesn’t feel like it’s pandering or holding out on a proven formula. It’s a labour of love that itself wants to spread love far and wide.

Runner-Up:
Splatoon

~WORST GAME~

So, which horribly-rushed, glitchy, soulless piece of shit shall we put on the chopping block?

The nominees are:

  • Hatred
  • Tony Hawk Pro Skater 5
  • Godzilla

And the winner is:

Tony Hawk Pro Skater 5

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Remember when Tony Hawk was relevant?... Yeah, neither do I.

They didn’t even try, did they? Besides the game’s graphic fidelity making it look like its fifteen years older than it actually is, this glitchy, half-arsed pile of wank shat on a legacy of a beloved skating game series. This turd was pumped out of Activision’s anus for the sole purpose of making a last-ditch effort to make a buck off its rotting corpse. A cynical, grotesque example of soulless corporate management, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 5 is an abomination that shouldn’t be even used as a torture device at Guantanamo Bay.

~BEST EVENT~

A runaway win:

US Supreme court ruling in favour of nationwide gay marriage

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Social progress is slow, but inevitable. A wonderful step forward in basic human decency and equality for everyone, the ruling continues to keep my faith in humanity. We’ve got a long way to go, but we’re doing it and it feels so good.

~WORST EVENT~

Jesus Christ, 2015 was a nightmare in so many ways. Aside from my own personal turmoil, there were constant terror attacks and practically a new celebrity death every goddamn day. It took my job, gave me depression and killed Lemmy. 2015 can go fuck itself… anyways, let’s see what the Chew thought.

The nominees are:

  • UK Conservative Party comes into power
  • Satoru Iwata’s death
  • Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black

And the winner is:

Satoru Iwata’s Death

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The sudden death of Nintendo’s president, Satoru Iwata, was a tragic loss to the gaming community. Iwata never told anyone he had cancer until the very end, so his death came as a complete shock. From humble beginnings as a programmer with HAL Laboratory to becoming the Big Cheese of the industry’s oldest and most cherished company, Iwata helped build a legacy for such games as Balloon Fight, EarthBound, the Kirby series and the Super Smash Bros franchise. Iwata was also instrumental in bringing Pokémon to the Western market according to the Pokémon company’s president, Tsunekazu Ishihara.

YouChew salutes you, Mr Iwata. Godspeed.   

=YOUCHEW’S FINEST=

And now it’s time to turn the spotlight on ourselves.

~BEST POOP~

We love our poop… no, not that kind, you sick fuck. I’m talkin’ about the videos we all know and love. Well, no more dilly-dallying, let’s have a look.

The nominees are:

  • Hotel Mario Maker – PrinceOfAllToasters
  • Steven Jewniverse – KroboProductions
  • Splinter Becomes REEEALLY LATE to His Own Turtles Christmas Party – Geibuchan
  • Zelda CD-I Revisited – Jimmy Davis
  • StarFucks Zero Adventures debutes at E3 – Stuart K Reilly

And the winner is:

Splinter Bcomes REEEALLY LATE to His Own Turtles Christmas Party – Geibuchan

“I gotta touch somebody right now!” - Raphael

What started as a special YouTube Poop for the Christmas season, Geibuchan, after a seven month hiatus, made this piece of hilarity using what is considered to be the worst thing to have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles name on it as a source. With his signature humour and editing prowess, Geibuchan once again creates a tour-de-force that captures the heart of every pooper.

Runner-Up:
Hotel Mario Maker - PrinceOfAllToasters

~BEST TENNIS MATCH~

Now we draw our attention to the poop-stained tennis court to check out the best matches.

The nominees are:

  • Razerek vs Nineroe
  • ravinrabbid123 vs LaVie CestLol
  • TheChutley vs Valkiriforce

And the winner is:

ravinrabbid123 vs LaVie CestLol

And now for something completely different

Anime! Music! Game Shows! Shampoo! Dew trying to destroy the world because someone took her flower! There’s something for everyone in this wild and wooly tennis match made for the Tennis League IV as Ravin and LaVie push their friendship to the limits as they rib the heck out each other before having to put their differences aside to stop Dew from destroying the world using the power of tennis. An endlessly entertaining romp, this match has solidified itself in tennis history and will remain a treasure for years to come.

Runner-Up:
Razerek vs. Nineroe

~BEST COLLAB~

Yeah, teamwork! It’s time to have a looksee at the best collabs that brought the community together.

The nominees are:

  • YouChew’s Secret Santa 2015
  • The 90s Collab – RyanYTP
  • I Love Videogames – SerialK86
  • Dew’s Vine Collab
  • The Shia Labeouf Collab - TheCaleideScope

And the winner is:

The 90's Collab – RyanYTP

Frost your tips and pull on your waist-high jeans, cos we’re going back to the 90s.

RyanYTP brought the community together to pay homage to the 90s with tons of sources from commercials, movies, TV shows, video games and music videos. The collab provided a great nostalgia trip for all the poopers that grew up during that decade and a bit of a pop culture history lesson for those who came after that want to know how to decrypt that god-awful 90s kid meme craze.

Runner-Up:
YouChew’s Secret Santa 2015

~BEST TREND~

Now let’s turn our attention to the best meme/running gag/trend that we constantly referred to.

The nominees are:

  • The Mustafar Fight Returns
  • DEMOCRACY!
  • Bionicle Generation 2

And the winner is:

DEMOCRACY!

One of the few positive things to come out of the Star Wars prequels was the horrendous dialogue. Instantly quotable and endlessly funny, everyone’s got a favourite line. For YouChew, it was Obi-Wan’s line in Revenge of the Sith in which Lucas’s piss-poor direction caused Ewan McGregor to awkwardly yell “Democracy!”

Needless to say, we had fun with it.

Runner-Up:
The Mustafar Fight Returns

~BEST SITE MOMENT~

And finally, we have a look at what will live on in the site’s history as our favourite moment.

The nominees are:

  • The return of Pimpsahoy
  • Site Game Challenge
  • Halloween 2015
  • When tabull met DaftPunkYoshi

And the winner is:

Halloween 2015

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The candy was extra chewy and, as usual, tasted like poop

A long time tradition for YouChew, filled with fun and games including the Spooky Poop Contest, the Spooky Art Contest and changing our profiles to cosplay as various characters we know and love. It was a deliciously fun experience that whole site thoroughly enjoyed.

Runner-Up:
The Return of Pimpsahoy

*   *   *

And that’s all she wrote. Unfortunately, I personally missed out on a lot of this stuff since I didn’t join YouChew until October 10. Thanks to TOMBO again for helping me fill in the blanks along with Crazy Luigi and Benedetto.

Edited by Biodegradable

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2014 is right here. It got posted before 2013 by accident.

OT: If you thought Pro Skater 5 sounded bad enough as it is, the only thing that is on the retail disc (And I'm not making this up) is the tutorial. And can you guess what that Day 1 Patch for the game contains? If you guessed the rest of the entire game, you're correct! 

The base game takes up 4.6 GB on the hard drive, whereas the patch is 7.7 GB big, close to double the game's file size itself, so something like that wouldn't be too surprising. I'd feel really bad for those who bought the game and were expecting something from it, but I'd feel even worse for them if they didn't have any Internet connection. If that were me, I would be furious.

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2016 is somehow managing to be worse than 2015 in pretty much every negative aspect.

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The thing is that Iwata's death comparatively had more impact given how much of an icon he was not just to fans, but an entire industry. Don't get me wrong, Origa's death was another very tragic death in 2015, and I honestly really like her songs myself, but she's simply not as well recognised as Iwata.

Either way, it's a real shame to lose the two of them in the same year, and they'll be forever missed.

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TheOneManBoxOffice

Posted

Wait until the year's over sonny boy. We've got a lot to say about it already...

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