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YouChew's Best of the Year - 2012


Biodegradable

Hey, look at that, the world didn’t end after all. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with all these crates of twinkies? Doh well. Hey there, kids. Biodegradable here to bring you YouChew’s Best of 2012.

As usual, every category, with the exception of the “Worst” categories and categories with only two nominees, will have a winner and a runner up. The full rankings will be disclosed at a later date.

Right, let’s do this shiz.

=THE WORLD IN BRIEF=

So, let us bask in the absolute crap that didn’t perish in a foretold cataclysmic event, eh?

~BEST MOVIE~

The nominees are:

  • Life of Pi
  • Django Unchained
  • Wreck-It Ralph
  • The Avengers
  • Skyfall

And the winner is:

Wreck-It Ralph

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You know what they say about a guy with big hands, right?

Hey whaddiya know? They made a movie based on a video game that doesn’t suck. Too bad they could only get it right with a fictional one. In all seriousness though, this was a pretty good love-letter to the retro games of old and video game culture. It’s got a lot of wit and cleverness to it, but most of all it has heart.

Runner Up:
The Avengers

~WORST MOVIE~

The nominees are:

  • That’s My Boy
  • Foodfight
  • The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure

And the winner is:

Foodfight

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Frankly my dear, I don’t give a spam

The animated film nobody asked for. Honestly, how high were they when they came up with the idea of making a lousy Casablanca remake starring advertising mascots? This piece of shit’s only claim of posterity is the continued mockery it shall receive from the internet’s most respected film critics for years to come.

~BEST TV SERIES~

The nominees are:

  • Tipping Point
  • Wilfred

And the winner is:

Tipping Point

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Take an arcade game and shove it in a game show, cos fuck it.

Apparently, for reasons unknown, this particular game show caught YouChew’s eye.

Runner Up:
Wilfred US (Season 2)

~WORST TV SERIES~

The nominees are:

  • Made in Jersey
  • Work It
  • Two and a Half Men

And the winner is:

Two and a Half Men

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A show so bad, it scrambled Charlie Sheen’s brain

So, your most bankable star completely loses his mind. Do you A: End the show or B: Cast a D-list celebrity with the charisma of totem pole? Clearly, you need more cocaine in your diet because of course they went with option B. It’s honestly amazing this load of bollocks lasted as long as it did.  

~BEST ALBUM~

The nominees are:

  • No Love Deep Web – Death Grips
  • The Dethalbum III – Dethklock
  • Clockwork Angels – Rush
  • The Heist – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
  • The Money Store – Death Grips

And the winner is:

Clockwork Angels – Rush

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I want that fucking clock!

Rush once again proves they’re one of the best acts to ever come out of Canada by releasing one of the most kick-arse albums ever.

Runner Up:
The Dethalbum III- Dethklok

~WORST ALBUM~

The nominees are:

  • Fortune – Chris Brown
  • Believe – Justin Bieber
  • Merry Christmas, Baby – Rod Stewart

And the winner is:

Believe – Justin Bieber

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Believe it, cos he’s apparently still relevant.

Oh boy, it was the year we got to see Bieber’s bad boy phase as he pissed in mop buckets and endangered his neighbours with late-night drag races. Aside from the fact that Bieber belongs to the long line of commercialized, heavily-processed soulless garbage we love to hate, the album itself is certainly something to behold. It was critically-panned for sounding like all the songs were written by a stalker and Bieber’s vocals were considered wimpy and lackluster. A fact that any of us were able to denote the first time we ever heard the little turd singing “baby, baby, baby, ooooooh!”

~BEST GAME~

The nominees are:

  • Journey
  • Kid Icarus: Uprising
  • Skullgirls
  • Borderlands 2
  • New Super Mario Bros Wii U

And the winner is:

Kid Icarus: Uprising

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Speaking of her heinicus

Kid Icarus: Uprising is a 3DS game set in a world loosely based around Greek mythology. The protagonist, an angel called Pit, must battle against Medusa who plans to destroy humanity. The game shed its 2D platformer style for a new 3D, third-person rail shooter romp as you battle the forces of evil. It was the Chew’s most talked about game in 2012 and supposedly one of the best handheld games ever.

Runner Up:
Skullgirls

~WORST GAME~

  • Amy
  • Assassin’s Creed 3

And the winner is:

Assassin’s Creed 3

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Why is he posing like he’s riding a bull?

The biggest disappointment of the year, Ubisoft chose to sit in its grey little sludge puddle of mediocrity, content on pumping out the same recycled garbage rather than take any kind of risk on a new idea. Assassin’s Creed 3 was a boring, glitchy load of wank.

~BEST EVENT~

A runaway win here, folks:

The Apocalypse Postponed

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Yep, we still suck at predicting our own demise.

Turns out the Mayans civilization simply ended in the middle of calendar production, and the 21st century man is a fucking idiot.

Runner Up:
Gay marriage legalized in two US states

~WORST EVENT~

The nominees are:

  • North Carolina passes anti-gay marriage law
  • North Korea launches a rocket

The winner is:

North Korea Launches a Rocket

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Shields up, red alert, battle stations and sanctions!

Despite their laughably outdated military equipment, North Korea managed to demonstrate a missile launch test, which naturally caused concern for the global community. All eyes are now squarely pointed at the isolationist nation with the checkered history with the hopes that they don’t try anything funny.

=YOUCHEW’S FINEST=

And now for a bit of navel gazing as we look to ourselves and the best of what 2012 had to offer in the name of YouTube Poop.

~BEST POOP~

The nominees are:

  • Welsh Fireman Buys a Crate of Molotovs in Caernarfon – BradDLC
  • The King’s Epic Adventure Part 4 – Geibuchan
  • YooGee’s Undying Love for Portable Consoles – Deepercutt
  • Gotye Knows Somebody That He Used – cs188

And the winner is:

The King’s Epic Adventure Part 4 – Geibuchan

You have waited much too long.

The second act of the fourth installment of Geibuchan’s immensely popular and impressive Flash Poop series The King’s Epic Adventure continues the story and blows everyone away with even more impressive sentence-mixing, masking effects and original drawings. Month and months of key-framed animation, special effects and explosions all wrapped together in Geibuchan’s unique pooping sensibilities, humour and insanity.

Runner Up:
YooGee’s Undying Love for Portable Consoles – Deepercutt

~BEST TENNIS MATCH~

The nominees are:

  • GreatBritishTurd vs. AshcrementVII
  • RAZOR vs. GameBop
  • Chemistryguy vs. TimoteiLSD
  • CorruptionSound vs. GreatBritishTurd

And the winner is:

Chemistryguy vs. TimoteiLSD

EGGS!

Two Titans known for their usage of unknown sources come together to create one of the most memorable Poop Tennis matches in recent years using the animated adaptation of Green Eggs and Ham as their source. A staggeringly impressive display of masking, green-screening and musical numbers come together to create a cavalcade of delectable madness that will have you shouting “Eggs!” at inappropriate moments for months after you’ve watched it.

Runner Up:
GreatBritishTurd vs. AshcrementVII

~BEST COLLAB~

The nominees are:

  • GreatBritishTurd 5th Anniversary - GreatBritishTurd
  • The Robotnik Collab III – BMATF & Dew

And the winner is:

The Robotnik Collab III

The real YouTube Poop movie

The send-off to end all send-offs for beloved sources, the 3rd Robotnik collab brought the entire Poop community together to create a feature-length celebration of one of the earliest and most popular characters that helped build the foundations of everything that is, and will ever be, YouTube Poop.

~BEST TREND~

The nominees are:

  • Pumkin
  • Save Yourself from Chuck E. Cheese
  • Rattle Me Bones
  • Source Filmmaker
  • The Best Hercules Movie Ever Made
  • Some Screams Can’t Be Heard

And the winner is:

Rattle Me Bones!

*Insert bone-related joke here*

The birth of Ricesnot and his bone-related antics, which in turn spawned a series called These Are The Mysteries and a wave of bone-related humour throughout YouChew, endlessly quoting the original commercial.

Runner Up:
Pumkin

~BEST SITE MOMENT~

The nominees are:

  • Dwegons
  • Deadman Wonderland (General Toonami Fuckery)

And the winner is:

Deadman Wonderland
(General Toonami Fuckery)

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Someday, I'm gonna ***********

When two animes called Deadman Wonderland and Casshern Sins popped onto the airwaves via Toonami, YouChew collectively lost its shit. Both shows became immediate and vastly entertaining riffing material, the creation of various memes and in-jokes that lasted virtually throughout the entire year.

*   *   *

And that, kiddos, wraps things up for YouChew’s Best of 2012. This was a bit of a challenge to write as I wasn’t floating about the Poop scene back then. I’d like to thank TheOneManBoxOffice for helping me out with the stuff I wasn’t around for. Right, that’s it from me. I’ll be back later on down the track to present the Best of 2015.

 

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It still surprises me that Uprising got the popular vote over Skullgirls or even Borderlands 2. Maybe I'm out of the loop, but Smash Bros. is literally the only reason I remembered that Uprising was a thing.

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I couldn't get past the controls in Uprising. 

 

Tried and tried and tried to get used to it, but I just couldn't.

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I understand how disappointing Ass Creed The Third was, but personally I would've gone with Amy for the worst game of 2012.

Amy is just an escort mission extended to a whole game, and not even a good one either (But then again who the hell ever enjoys escort missions that much anyway). In fact, it was a really goddamn terribly designed and programmed one at that. Even if you didn't like Screed' III, it at least introduced Naval gameplay which while was a relatively minor part of the game, served to return once more bigger and better than ever in Black Flag the following year, and that ended up being pretty great in the end, even if it didn't have much to do with assassinations as it did old-fashioned Caribbean piracy.

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TheOneManBoxOffice

Posted

The winners are chosen by how many votes they got, not by what the author believes. A majority picked Assassin's Creed 3 as the worst over Amy, most likely because more people played it, myself included, and was more of a disappointment. At least the developers of Amy let people choose how much they want to pay for it, which wasn't much (a couple bucks). AC3 was full retail $60, and was more of the same shit that we've seen before in the previous games.

I do agree with you on this Dieathan: Amy was indeed grade-A dogshit.

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True.

I don't have any real complaints with how the results turned out. I just find a bad game and a disappointing game to be two completely different things. If most people here think that AC3 is worse that Amy, that completely fine by me. It's simply my silly old opinion after all.

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9 hours ago, Geibuchan said:

HUHEHAHAHEHUH I ROCK

BONES ROCK

KID ICARUS UPRISING AND DEW ROCKS TOO!!

your vid won because of bones in thumbnail image (verified fact confirmed by real scientists)

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21 hours ago, Dieathan said:

 (But then again who the hell ever enjoys escort missions that much anyway)

ICO and The Last of Us are both heavily praised games despite being game-length escort missions(I haven't played either so I get the feeling I'm very wrong about The Last of Us though), so I'm assuming the genre can be done right.

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TheOneManBoxOffice

Posted

That, and to an extent, Resident Evil 4, which was tolerable if you know what you're doing.

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Sometimes I wish some other things would've won instead just so that I could read more about them from the Writing Staff than Wikis and other official kind of website description.

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22 minutes ago, YTPNerdette said:

Sometimes I wish some other things would've won instead just so that I could read more about them from the Writing Staff than Wikis and other official kind of website description.

Like what, exactly?

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1 hour ago, Crazy Luigi said:

Like what, exactly?

Well, Team Fortress 2 as Best Game of 2007 for example.

This time round I think that way for any other movie than Wreck-it Ralph and the cs188's Gotye YTP (I thought that OPPA GODDAMN STYLE would be nominated though).

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That's how I felt about Uprising. I'm sure it's a good game and I'm glad people seem to like it enough to vote it as Best of the Year, but I both have no input on it whatsoever or was even aware it was so talked about around here. If anything, I expected the vote go to Skullgirls after how much buzz there was about it in 2012. 

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23 hours ago, Dieathan said:

True.

I don't have any real complaints with how the results turned out. I just find a bad game and a disappointing game to be two completely different things. If most people here think that AC3 is worse that Amy, that completely fine by me. It's simply my silly old opinion after all.

I submitted AC3 on the voting because I have a strong hate on the game,(with its awful premise, terrible characters, repetitive gameplay and overall being a huge dissapointment) but I didn't think that only it and Amy would end up being the sole contenders. I don't even know what Amy is so I don't know if that was worse.

3 hours ago, YTPNerdette said:

This time round I think that way for any other movie than Wreck-it Ralph and the cs188's Gotye YTP (I thought that OPPA GODDAMN STYLE would be nominated though).

Youchew seems to have a huge affection over animated movies in general. Most of the Best Movie awards have gone to them so far. I don't blame them (although Rango wouldn't even be a contender for my Top Movies of 2011, lol).

Also "Gotye Knows Somebody that He Used" is funnier than "OPPA GODDAMN STYLE" for me.

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The Justin Bieber album is called Believe, not Believer. Frankly, I'm surprised he still evokes that much hatred in people.

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Skyfall not win? Really...I guess this is the best movie , great soundtrack , great atmosphere , great actors.But it's fine.I agree with "Best album" and "Worst Album".

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