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Dracula

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Dracula.png

Name: Dracula
Sex: Male
Age: 4 (in dog years)
Played By: Norio Wakamoto, Crispin Freeman, Douglas Rye, Patrick Seitz, Michael G, Robert Carlyle

WHAT IS A MAN!? A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS!! BUT ENOUGH TALK; HAVE AT YOU!
-Dracula in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Dracula is a vampire who is hated by many people, although that's probably because he showers with the window open, and has a mean dog. Over the years, although he is a fearsome enemy, not many people take him seriously, and kids pretend to be him for Halloween. This enraged Dracula, who transformed himself into a vampire and drank everybody's blood. This gave Dracula the gift of immortality, a trait passed through his line for generations. He mainly appears in Castlevania, where he has a son named Alucard who is a stereotypical anime prettyboy. He also has a very sexy voice and can turn into a giant bat.

History

Dracula was born in the year 58, A.D., to parents Mary Dracula and David Jingerjangles. He grew up and made lots of friends, including his old girlfriend, Jessica, but he was dumped because she met a handsome street fighter type person. Dracula got over this quickly, since as it turned out, he didn't really like Jessica that much anyway, and he got the Cooties from her. His parents had also noticed a strange interest in bats, and Dracula was often saddened because he wasn't allowed to keep one as a pet, although he did care for them a lot.

Years later, Dracula studied to be a scientist. His good friend, Marty, had recently died due to falling down a flight of stairs, so Dracula studied all the illnesses in the world and came up with antidotes, and invented the escalator to prevent falling down stairs. But then, some other guy stole his idea and credited himself with the idea entirely. Still, Dracula had come up with the antidote, and dug up Marty's grave and poured some in his mouth. Marty was reborn, and he thanked Dracula very much, but he died again. Heart attack; didn't see that coming. Dracula was enraged. First, his girlfriend was stolen from him; not too bad. Then, Thomas Edison stole his idea for the escalator. And now Marty is dead again! Dracula got so mad, his shirt was torn off in the rage, pleasing most of the fangirls reading this right now. He was still wearing trousers, though.

One year after the incident, Dracula had been in a bit of depression, but after a few months returned to being sober. One day, on a nice, quiet walk, Dracula decided to go get his hair cut; it was getting very messy. However, the barber cut his hair into a mohawk! No matter, thought Dracula, I'll just wear this hat that was lying around. Dracula continued his walk, minding his own business, and then a terrible wind blew off his hat in front of a huge crowd! "Curses!" yelled Dracula. Everyone laughed. "Ha ha! This is the guy who invented the cure for cancer! Ha ha ha! He looks so dumb!" Dracula got enraged, and locked himself into his attic for six months, turning him pale and making his voice incredibly sexy due to a lack of strain on his vocal chords.

On October 31 that year, the doorbell rang. Dracula's hair had grown back by then, so he answered the door. There were two kids dressed up like him! "Trick or treat!" they shouted. They had the infamous mohawk. Dracula got enraged. "IS THIS ALL PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER ME FOR!?" he cried. "THE MOHAWK!? I DID GREAT THINGS FOR YOU! THE MOHAWK WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL!" Somehow, Dracula had become a vampire. He grew a cape, fangs, and then he began flying around. He then proceeded to suck everyone's blood, but drank so much, that it made him immortal, somehow. One person applauded him on his costume, but Dracula thanked her by punching out all her blood and then drinking it. Only four people survived; Cody, Jessica, Simon Belmont and his identical twin brother Light Yagami, who planned on getting revenge when he was older, being only seven years old at the time.

Currently, Dracula can be found in his castle, eating pot roast and getting drunk at parties. According to witnesses, he is an even worse womanizer than Miroku and Billy Mays combined, although him being pale, and his blood fetish and white hair are a turn-off for many. Despite Simon Belmont saying that he'll get revenge, he never really did succeed because his game is too freaking hard. And also because it gets cold wearing a skirt at night. Dracula's next big plan is joining Dr. Robotnik in conquering all of New England, which they have not quite done yet, although New Jersey went down with a pretty big fight. He also needs to work on updating his personal Star Trek fansite.

He once fought Viacom with WalrusGuy's help.

Dracula's half-brother, Demitri Maximoff.

Enemies

Oh, please! Like any of that's enough to take on The Dark Master! ...bator. Xander Harris on Dracula

Dracula has made a lot of enemies over his long lifetime. These include...

Allies

Likes

  • Not kids.
  • Blood
  • Pot Roast
  • The Irate Gamer
  • Racism
  • Killing and enslaving mankind.
    • Especially by impalement.
  • The Nostalgia Critic
  • Mario
  • Metroid (So much so that he stole some of Ridley's moves.)
  • Killing Jews

Dislikes

  • Holiness
  • The fact that most depictions of him in media are all wrong (Castlevania gets it partially right, except for the backstory.).
  • His few appearances in Youtube Poop.
  • The Angry Nintendo Nerd
  • Count Chocula
  • Count Duckula
  • Twilight
  • Count von Count
  • Being confused for that Rob Zombie song "Dragula."
  • Being called "Vlad". (It's Dracula, not Vlad you idiots!)
  • The fact that his son betrayed him.

Trivia

I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince! ...bator. -Xander Harris on Dracula, again.

  • He likes garlic sandwiches, despite most depictions of him being allergic.
  • Has a sword, although he accidentally ate it thinking it was a cherry.
  • Is Jewish, to his family's chagrin.
  • Is a dog person, hence his alliance with Werewolf.
  • Is richer than Bill Gates.
  • Dracula is actually his last name; he was adopted because his parents were distracted by a butterfly and never came back. His original name is actually Stanley Huffington Samuel Jingerjangles-Dracula V, so you can see why he goes by Dracula.
  • Is also an illegitimate child.
  • He was once challenged by Ocarina of Time Link, but he won easily because Link was also distracted by a butterfly.
  • Only recently discovered that the Playstation is out, despite being in several games on consoles after it. What an idiot.
  • Can turn into a giant bat, although he gets a bad cough whenever he does it.
  • Has gone through a Belmont getting into his castle so much, he has memorized his lines and battle strategies, although Belmont never seems to learn and insists on spamming Hydro Storm.
  • He invented the chocolate chip oatmeal raisin Oreo.
  • He raised Wario as his apprentice, which explains why Wario can turn into a vampire/bat. But Dracula disowned him because he constantly stole Dracula's treasures, and has hygiene issues.
  • Years after he disowned Wario, he raised another son named Alucard. His named is Dracula spelled backwards olo. Anyways, he was taught to be a vampire to make his legacy live on, but he was disowned when he actually fucked his own mother!!! Shocking, isn't it?

The End

All in all, a really cool guy. I mean, he sucks out peoples' blood, and isn't afraid of anything.