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Saxton Hale

From Chewiki: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas

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CharNice.jpg This man is so manly, we simply had no choice but to file him under Characters.
Featured.png  This man is so great, we couldn't refuse putting him as a featured article, and consider him as one of the best things to ever grace this Chewiki.

This article is too manly for you to handle and may cause your eyes to implode from all the concentrated manliness! Our lawyers advise you to proceed with caution.

Sexyhale.jpg

Name: Saxton Hale
Appears In: Team Fortress 2
Sex: Male
Nationality: Australian
Occupation(s): CEO/Founder of Mann Co.

Saxton Hale is the CEO and Founder of Mann Co. and certified Australian, and if you haven't inhaled your lungs out through your own mouth right about now, you're probably already dead! His hobbies include fighting, eating meat for all three meals, fighting, and above all activities with a high degree of risk. Oh, did we mention fighting? He is currently in an eternal stalemate with Hulk Hogan for the title of "World's Manliest Man", but Saxton will best the Hulkster some day, as Saxton is from Australia!

Mann Co. - "We sell products and get in fights!"

Since his patent on Jarate (Jar-based Karate) not too long ago, Saxton Hale earned an enormous profit, becoming the 6th richest man alive. After an action-packed day of hunting Velociraptors with his bare heads and skydiving whilst wearing an anvil on his back, Saxton decided to found his own company, so he went to Gravel Pit, North Dakota and ate the entire field of gravel! Our hero then flew back to Sydney and within minutes shat out an entire 10-story building and factory! Thus Mann Co. was born. He began working on a variety of new weapons and eventually his work earned him recognition from TF Industries itself.

Today, Mann Co. now works as a division of TF Industries, coming up with new weapons to aid the progress of technology, and to sell Mann Co. T-Shirts! Mr. Hale is often away from his office, as he is too busy beating up endangered species and breaking up protesting crouds of hippies with his fists!

Trivia

  • A relatively unknown fact about Saxton Hale is that he is an ex-Sniper, but since his bodybuilding days his preferred weapon is his own body!
  • Despite manning a company that manufactures deadly weapons, Saxton believes that fighting using anything but your body is cowardly (Jarate is considered OK since it technically comes from the body).
  • He regularly teaches lessons at a local dojo how to perform many of his self-created forms of martial arts. These include Jarate as well as Drunken Boxing, Drunken Headbutting, Drunken Cry-fighting, Shaolin Drunken Knife Wrestling, and his hardest class yet, Drunken Apology-Making.
  • Contrary to popular belief, wearing short shorts does in fact make you more manly! Bonus points for growing chest hair and never wearing a shirt!
  • As many T-shirts as his company sells, Saxton refuses to wear one.
  • After an incident at an Apple store near Dustbowl involving Apple's newest invention, the iBlewUpTheMoon, since Saxton owns approximately one-third of the moon he is currently suing Apple Computers, Inc. for property loss! It should also be noted that Apple is counter-suing for property damage after Hale burst through the ceiling.
  • Saxton Hale is quite the ladies man and has even had an affair with the Administrator.
  • Saxton Hale is quite the man's man and it is believed that his touch can turn men gay for him!
  • His shirtless bod will make you masturbate to him... even if you aren't a masturbator at all.
    • I CAME!







If you have made it through this article and are still in less than three pieces, then congratulations! You have proven yourself to be manly enough to handle the manliest (or at least reading about the manliest), and for that I, Saxton Hale, will personally send you a Mann Co. T-Shirt with my signature on it! Gather your friends and family and throw a big party! Get drunk! You deserve it!