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George The Volcano

From Chewiki: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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Name: George the Volcano
Appears In: Volvic Ads
Sex: Male
Age: Over two millions years old.
Nationality: French
Occupation(s): Making his water tasty for the ladies
Played By: Matt Berry

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George while he suffers his burns.
George raising hell. Literally.
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Volvic on the Nintendo Wii.

George the Volcano is a massive puppet volcano that lives in Europe. He has suffered fifth-degree burns from a run-in with Link and does not wish to be disturbed. Apart from this, he is infact a gigantic, naturally evolved Volvic Vending Machine who has gone slightly insane over the millennia from having to serve people like Tyrannosaurus Alan his volcano rock juices. He is also a massive (literally) pervert and likes grabbing various things by the conkers. Is thought to be the horrific lovechild of Thrakkorzog and an unknown partner.

Cultural Heritage: Prehistoric France

Personality

He is extremely loud and obnoxious, known to bug travellers (usually Tyrannosaurus Alan) on a daily basis about various forms of Volvic. George has an unnatural obsession with his birds, often leading him to yell out "MY BIRDS!". Although George is often cool and collected, he is known to erupt from time to time. While he normally fills his water with Volcanicity (filtered through his handsome volcano rocks), he is occasionally known to put other things in his water such as twists, breakfast, cum, turds and bombs. Travellers must be wary to carefully inspect anything given by George before drinking it (despite the fact he will insist, sometimes to the point of violence, that you TRY SOME right away).

Some fun facts about George:

  • His volcano rocks are incredibly handsome.
  • Life apparently grabs him by the conkers.
  • He is known to often say things he isn't supposed to.
  • He is one of the loudest beings in all of the universe, beaten only by Haruhi Suzumiya, Binky the Clown, Luffy, Loud Kiddington and Icarus. The late Billy Mays was formerly in first place, but his death caused others to seize the title.
  • When provoked, he is capable of summoning the apocalypse.
  • Gorge is considered a suave ladies man among the bird population.
  • Being completely immobile, George secretly wishes Tyrannosaurus Alan would just fuck off and stop bothering him.
  • He is a pervert.
  • One time he was making Cillit Bang for breakfast.
  • He is the Volcanicity God and will not let anyone have the Chaos Emerald of Life unless they make a sacrifice to him first.
  • Location: Central France.
  • Really hates Yoshi because he hates watah! Glubba-dub-dubba!
  • Has the ability to spout out the cure for everything, but can only be done by saying magic words only Spoil-Sport remembers.
  • Is thought to be female, but he just has a very tiny penis.
  • Hated by Scott because his factory just happens to be right next to George, who constantly erupts.
  • Like George, Gwonam also has a very unhealthy obsession with birds.
  • It has been speculated that he is Misty's father.
  • George is the owner of his own private car dealership. It is suspected that he uses his birds to slave away all day to make the cars, and although this may be true, the only person who ever saw it was too shocked to say anything. By the time he came to his senses, he forgot what he was going to say.

Quotes

George Volcano George Volcano

Hello, Tyrannosaurus Alan! I'm filling my water with Volcanicityyyyy!

George Volcano George Volcano

Rain filters down through my handsome volcano rocks to create a wild mineral WATERRRRR that grabs life by the CONKERS and hydrates you till you shout 'CUM on world! I'll have you for BREAKFAAAAAST!' Try some!

George Volcano George Volcano

Rain filters down through my handsome volcano rocks to create a wild mineral WATERRRRR that grabs life by the CONKERS and hydrates you till you shout- My balls! You're steppin' on my balls!!

George Volcano George Volcano

And making it tasty for the ladies!

George Volcano George Volcano

My birds DO like a twist with their water!

George Volcano George Volcano

MY BIRRRDS!! They like a fruit flavor when they're hydrating! Look! BIIIIIRDS!! Tasty Volvic!

George Volcano George Volcano

I'M THE DADDY NOW!!

George Volcano George Volcano

Busy day, Alan?!

George Volcano George Volcano

How DO you DO it, Alan?! Do you perhaps drink new hydrating Volvic REVIIIIIVE?! It's got ginseng and guarana, and will help keep you ALEEERT!

George Volcano George Volcano

WELL DONE TO REVIVE!!

George Volcano George Volcano

APPEASE ME WITH GIFTS AND SACRIFICES!

George Volcano George Volcano

DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH AT TYRANNOSAURUS ALAN'S TINY ARMS!

George Volcano George Volcano

No one may have the Emerald of Life without first making sacrifice to Mr. Volcano, the Volcanicity God.

George Volcano George Volcano

Do you perhaps laugh at my tiny penis?

George Volcano George Volcano

Yes.

George Volcano George Volcano

What the fuck are you doing, you lazy Muppet?! You've been sitting on your fat ass for over 4 hours! You're such a waste of space!

George Volcano George Volcano

Fuck you, Tyrannosaurus Alan! I'll have you for breakfast!

George Volcano George Volcano

I'm filling my vagina with BIRDS!

George Volcano George Volcano

DO YOU PERHAPS LAUGH AT NY TINY PENIS?

Links