Martin Ssempa

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A grown man who uses the word "poo poo" in professional conversation. Yep.

Pastor Doctor Martin Ssempa is basically Uganda's version of Fred Phelps... except that Martin is much more hilarious. He likes making speeches about how homosexuality should be banned not because of religious reasons, but because he believes gay people do disgusting things like eat fecal matter, which he affectionately refers to as "EATING DE POO POO", and describing them to his audience in an extremely graphic manner. He's rather popular with the YouChew community because... well, you guess. Dr. Ssempa claims that he did a "little research" to find out what gay people do in their bedroom, and was later shown to have explicit gay content on his laptop, which he showed to his friends without hesitation. He was not available for questioning later.




  • Good morning everyone, my name is Pastor Doctor Martin Ssempa, I'm here in the capacity of the chairman of the board against homosexuality in Uganda.
  • I have taken time to do a little research as to what homosexuals do in the privacy of their bedroom.
  • One of the things they do is called "anal licking". There, a man's anus is licked like this by the other person. Like ice cream!
  • And then what happens is that the poo poo comes out! The man poo poos out, eh? And then they EAT DE POO POO.
  • Fisting is ALL OVER a man anus!
  • Uganda, privacy means DEY EAT DA POO POO.
  • And then what they do is they have a sex practice called "fisting", where they insert their hand into the other man's hand! And it goes into the anus all the way. And it is so painful, they have to take drugs!
  • Number one, you can see a man here having him suck the other person's rectum, and the other person... is poo-pooing!
  • Tell me! When you have a law against homosexuality, do you say "Accept eating poo poo!?"
  • Now, they start off by touching each other's genitals and smelling each other, then this one smears de poo poo ALL OVER the other person's face... as if that is not enough, he puts the hand DEEEPAAH!
  • As Africans, we want to ask Barack Obama to explain to us, is this what he wants to bring to Africa, as a human right to EAT DE POO POO!?

Further Information

  • Maybe he's just a troll. I dunno. He's still a gutbuster.
  • It is unknown if he is aware of this site.
  • It's also kind of ironic because he's also a huge AIDS activist after both his brother and his sister died from it.
  • He's not down with the sickness that's around Uganda.
  • Asked parents to take their children out of the room only after a graphic description of anal licking.
  • He's in serious consideration to be the newest mascot for YouTube Poop. Of course, it would be renamed to "Youtube Poo-Poo" if it happens, so yeah.