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Sniper

From Chewiki Archive - YouChew: 1% Funny, 99% Hot Gas
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Name: Mr. Mundy (Simply known as "The Sniper")
Sex: Male
DOB: 1932 (age 91–92) (Was 36 during the game)
Nationality: Australian
Occupation(s): Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
Played By: John Patrick Lowrie

The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are Yoko Littner of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, and The End from Metal Gear Solid 3, respectively.

Characteristics[edit]

The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.

Arsenal[edit]

Basic[edit]
  • Sniper Rifle: A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
  • SMG: Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
  • Kukri: His machete Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
Update[edit]
  • Huntsman: A bow and arrow. Replaces the Sniper Rifle, better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname Lucksman by many an angry victim.
  • Jarate: The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the SMG.
  • Razorback: Some rather useless shield that can block a Spy's backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the SMG.
  • Conscientious Objector: You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the Kukri.
  • Classic: Going retro with a TFC-themed Sniper Rifle, this can charge and headshot regardless of zoom. Sounds cheap and rage-worthy, but headshots can only be allowed on a full charge. Patience makes the rage (How oxymoronic).
  • Self-Aware Beauty Mark: Borrowed from the Medic's lab. Warning: This jar contains deadly face-eating mutated bread. On the upside, it's great for throwing at your enemies though. Functions identically to the Jarate and replaces the SMG.
  • Necro Smasher: A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the Kukri.
Community[edit]
  • Tribalman's Shiv: His other penis machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the Kukri.
  • Sydney Sleeper: Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Darwin's Danger Shield: Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the SMG.
  • Bushwacka: His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the Kukri.
  • Bazaar Bargain: Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Shahanshah: When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the Kukri.
  • Cozy Camper: A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the SMG.
  • Cleaner's Carbine: A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the SMG.
  • Hitman's Heatmaker: This new Sniper Rifle gathers reload-activated focus (at maximum, faster charging and no unscoping) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Bat Outta Hell: This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the Kukri.
Promotion[edit]
  • Machina: Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Frying Pan: CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the Kukri.
  • AWPer Hand: Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the Sniper Rifle.
  • Freedom Staff: A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the Kukri.
  • Ham Shank: Don't run! It's just ham! No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the Kukri.
  • Fortified Compound: A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the Huntsman. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.
Event[edit]
  • Saxxy: Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old Saxton said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the Kukri.
  • Memory Maker: Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the Kukri.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

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The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of Jarate upon an unsuspecting BLU Spy.

Quotes[edit]

  • Wanka.
  • Boom, headshot...
  • Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
  • 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.
  • I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?
  • One is a job and one is mental sickness!
  • Crazed gunmen have standards.
  • I think his mate saw me...
  • Feelings!
  • Be polite.
  • Be efficient.
  • Professionals have standards.
  • Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  • Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
  • Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
  • Dominated, you cactus-eatin' egghead!
  • I was never on your side, either!
  • Gawd save the queen!
  • Aw, piss...

Trivia[edit]

  • Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of Robotnik, who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
  • The Sniper once brought Yoko to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
  • Secretly admires Link which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
  • Recently was attacked by the Spy, which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife slashed him.
  • Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, no sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
  • His camper van is a 1965 Land Rover camper van conversion.
  • Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
  • His voice actor is married to the voice actor of GLaDOS's and the Administrator. Wonder who the kids voice act?
  • The Soldier has called the Sniper Bilbo Baggins or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.
  • Speaking of Lord of the Rings, he was actually born in New Zealand, albeit raised in Australia.

See Also[edit]

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Oh, you crazy Sniper.