TOP 10 CUMSLUTS IN THE HISTORY OF THE US PRESIDENCY (18+ CONTENT)

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TOP 10 CUMSLUTS IN THE HISTORY OF THE US PRESIDENCY (18+ CONTENT) was a YouChew blog post written by Probo on April 20, 2015, as a parody of an unironic "top 10 cumsluts" blog written by another member the hour before. In light of the closure of the YouChew Archive, the contents of this blog have been preserved below to ensure presidential historians can refer to this deeply-researched chronology of presidential sex lives for years to come.

The Blog

NOTE: THIS LIST IS BASED SOLELY ON MY OWN CONJECTURE AND SPECULATION. THE PRIVATE LIVES OF THESE MEN ARE OF THEIR OWN, AND THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE MEANING OF WHAT THE WORD "IS" IS.

Now lets get this sex-party started!

#10-WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT

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It is a good idea to begin big. It does not get any bigger than William Howard Taft, yes. He is not disclosed to have had any affairs, but with his open admittance toward obscure fetishes such as walrus impersonations and bathtub crushing there is no way his record is clean.

#9-MILLARD FILLMORE

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Holy shit what a boring president. He is so boring the biggest highlight about him is being named Millard. But guess what. He is actually a sex machine and the boringness is a cover.

#8-CHESTER A. ARTHUR

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Known for falling down in Futurama, Chester A. Arthur had masterful command of his whiskers, emulating the actions of a hentai octopus.

#7-WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON

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He orgied every day as president and died very quickly because he did it so much, the pneumonia was just a facade to keep Tippecanoe's reputation intact, because we all know a dumbass who does a long coatless speech in the rain is a better thing to be than a sex god.

#6-RONALD REAGAN

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Never forget what he wanted Gorbachev to do to him.

#5-LYNDON B. JOHNSON

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Fucker named his dick "Jumbo" what else do you want. No seriously. This article may be a joke but he really did call his dick that.

#4-WARREN G. HARDING

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This dude was a bad president do not get me wrong. The dude was a scandalous fuck with the Teapot Dome scandal and all. But still, you must remember with a surname like Harding he is very good in bed. It is no surprise he had so many affairs.

#3-BILL CLINTON

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It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is. It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is. It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is. It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is. It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

#2-JOHN F. KENNEDY

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NAW YAH SEE MAW FELLAW AHMAWICANS, AH HAD A LAWTA SEX IN MAW TAWM. AH WILL NAWT GO INTO MAWILYN MAWNRO BECAWS SHE IS EASY BUT BECAWS MY DICK IS HAWD

#1-DAVID RICE ATCHISON

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Man seeing this you must have thought "Probo sure likes Richard Nixon. I bet Nixon will be #1." Well you were fooled. We all know Nixon, though a screwed crook, was a clean family man on the relationships front. But not David Rice Atchison. For one day this man was allegedly the acting President of the USA because Zachary Taylor did not want to be sworn in on Sunday. And during his one day allegedly in office he boned every woman he knew. That is a true president.